Feelings

Hi rose

your journey sounds very similar to mine, acities moved from abdomen to lung cavities also had p.e

unfortunately naraparib made me I’ll and had to stop taking it

im now fighting recurrence got 1 round of chemo left to have on tues although it hasn’t worked, tumours are slightly bigger now, not sure what my choices will be after chemo has finished

glad you’re moving on with your life even if it’s slow, I had to leave my job too last nov I was a pub landlady I wasn’t fit to do it physically emotionally or mentally  now live near my mum and step dad to try and help them through their struggles mum has instead dementia and he has lung cancer newly diagnosed.

enjoy the things you love doing

take care Pam xx

Hello Rose - I know you posted this a while ago but have just read your post now.   I hope you are doing ok and I am so sorry for the journey you have been on.   It is lovely to read you are feeling more positive and as you say getting another chance at life.  Although my journey is different to yours (I am fairly newly diagnosed - Feb this year - full hysterectomy and chemo just finished), I can certainly identify with some of what you have experienced.    You mentioned you had been wallowing in self pity and to be honest I did too.    I am not sure but actually I think we are allowed to do that for a period of time?    When you think about what we are going through on our own journey's  - it isn't for the faint hearted!   Its only natural to fear the future when you have a diagnosis of OC - bit like you, I try to keep focussed on the present and what I have right now.   I accept that my brain will drift into 'what if' territory but I try to put a stop to it by giving myself a different outcome - if I allow myself a negative outcome. I have to think of a positive one and think of that also.  Doesn't always work mind!   Your allotment sounds lovely as well - a wonderful healing activity for your mental wellbeing.    Hugs x

Thank you pickles, it's an horrendous thing to have to go through, wishing you all the best outcomes possible

Xx

Hi Pickles1959 

I just wanted to say how much I resonated with your post, and I agree that we are allowed to indulge in some self pity as we’re only human. Go there but don’t stay there is what I try to remember. I didn’t have OC but had my ovaries removed as part of larger surgery (my story is in my bio) so I sometimes look in this group-in fact I look all the groups for which I have lost a body part through cancer!

Your idea of looking for a positive outcome if you allow a negative is a good philosophy. I call it looking for the silver lining. I was having a bit of a pity party for myself as I had my gallbladder removed 3 weeks ago, and then unexpectedly developed a nasty breast abscess resulting in numerous hospital visits and unpleasantness.

However, today when I was at the breast clinic and was told I would have a 3 hour wait for further tests and to see a doctor, amazingly the dr turned up early, was able to fit me in to check me over, said I didn’t need the further tests and if all is well my final appointment should be next week. I went in thinking I wonder what they’ll find today? What if it’s serious? I hadn’t remembered to think “what if all is fine?”

It turns out all was fine, but I’m so used to that not being the case I forgot to allow myself to think it. Your post has been a good reminder to me today, so I thank you for that. 

I’d like to take the time to wish you all the best and hope your treatment has been very successful.

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah

Thank you for the reminder about being able to go there in respect of self pity but not stay there -  and the not staying there is a good reminder for me.   That is what is great about this forum - we are there for each other and share these ways of coping.   Its so hard to think of a positive outcome when we've been through the trauma of the not so good news...... its hard to get over that.   I am so glad that all was fine on your last visit - wonderful news.  Long may that trend continue Sarah......  Warm hugs are sent your way xx