Treatment coming but uneasy

Morning Norjoy , We say don't look backwards , but look what you had to put your body through to get here today , we can all have off days , tomorrow you'll wake up and think to yourself what was yesterday all about , I spent 14 weeks in hospital getting my treatment and I had many of what I called a blip , so maybe this is your day to have a blip , congratulations 2 more to go , well chuffed for you , ( pull yourself together ) , have an off day everyone is allowed one , we can't always be great and happy all the time.. 

Thank you. I am blessed in that this is my only treatment. So much to be thankful for. I think it may be my late response to the anxiety of waiting 2 months for a diagnosis, which was suspected to be lung cancer. Your words are comforting. 

Hi again Norjoy, don't be sorry, cancer is rubbish and with this brings rubbish days. I's great that this treatment could possibly eradicate this........ that would be an amazing result. From my many years on my journey this has always been my 'hope' that the next treatment would put a lid on my condition and up until Sep 2016 it never did...... but I am over 5 years out and in full metabolic remission..... so I have to say I am a happy man - getting the smile.

During my years of treatments we as a family kept a positivity (dream) board where we would pin our hopes and dreams for the future..... I can confirm that there are lots of ticks agains many dreams and we continue to add to our list ((hugs))

Thank you. You’ve certainly had a long journey and, I’m thinking, much about non-Hodgkins, treatments etc, has advanced in that time. Long may your remission continue. 

Treatment truly have come a long way even in my 22 years moving me from “you will never be in any long term remission”……. to where I am now.

Do check out the Lymphoma Action website as they run regular Regional Lymphoma Online Support Groups and a great Lymphoma Buddy Service where people can be linked up with someone who has walked the same treatment journey.

Thank you.

Hi!

Like you say you went through a whirlwind! So many tests, so many results and what if's. So many times preparing for the worst but also trying to be positive. So many times, over and over again. With lots of waiting in between. It is ok that you have an off day, even if you 'only' need one treatment. It really does something with your mindset, and you need time to process this. Having an off day and to give into it is totally fine! You are welcome to your feelings just like anyone else. 

After many months of being told I was perfectly healthy and that it is in my mind, I felt not only physically  exhausted but also mentally. When I finally had my diagnosis everyone was sad, but I was oddly enough happy. Happy to show them I wasn't crazy. It wasn't in my head at all. When I had my last treatment, every treatment ( i had 6) 5 days or more on hospital ward and 3 days a week check ups in between treatments, I was exhausted. But it became my home, I was kind of happy I was done, but I felt out of place. Everyone was so happy, but I wasn't myself, I wasn't happy at all. Took me a few years and even now I have off days. I give in to them. I am still processing. And that is ok. We all have our own story, no one has then same. 

Lots of hugs,

Ingrid

Thank you for those encouraging words. I’ve always been seen as the strong, coping person and, to others I probably seemed that way. As you’ve so aptly put, it’s mental gymnastics and much ‘ what iffing’. I’m very grateful for my diagnosis having been unaware that I had anything wrong with me, but just glad that it was found before I had major problems. It’s great that you’re in remission. 

xx

Norjoy said:

When I read of what others on here are dealing with I think I should ‘ pull myself together’

I have a different perspective on this, which can be summarised by my telling you that I am certain that my minor tooth ache is going to feel a lot more painful to me than the pain I would feel when someone else suffers an open fracture. 

Our experiences, while objectively similar, are still subjective to us. Something that one person may find difficult may be easy for another. An item of imformation that may send one person into a blind panic may be received with equanimity by another. When it comes to emotions, there is no question of validity. They just are. That does not mean we should always succumb to them, but we shouldn't always try and push them down either. 

There is nothing wrong with deciding to pull yourself together, but I would much rather you did it because you decided that that is the best way to help yourself, and not out of feeling slightly guilty because someone else may be sufferring more.

Worrying won't make it go away. Easy for me to say but very hard to do in practice.

I had lymphoma on my lung the first  lift was when I was told it was not lung cancer. The hardest bit is the waiting, you are always waiting for test results or treatment or scan results. I think it would be unusual to not have the odd day where you are "uneasy" they just sneak up from time to time. As time goes on post treatment they become less frequent.