Hello....
I have a question, not about the person with cancer, but about their husband and how he is coping.
Mum was diagnosed with stage 3(c) melanoma in September last year. It was borderline stage 4. She was told their was not treatment and she believed she wouldn't see Christmas last year.
Fast forward to today and after 3 surgeries and now 4 rounds of immunotherapy and she is still here. A little beaten, but doing okay in the grand scheme of things. The most recent CT scan showed no signs of concern. 2nd CT scan is due in the next month. So while we are all struggling we have hope for the future and believe things will be getting better.
So that's the background. The issue is how dad is coping. He is old school. Break a leg or get a cut and he will take care if you. Have something less visible and he struggles. After the 3 surgeries he really stepped up. Now wounds have healed and mum is trying to do a little more he is expecting her to do more. He doesn't understand there are limits. This is not from lack of the family telling him.
At the last consultation I went with Mum as Dad would sit there and say nothing unless prompted. It causes mum stress.
Dad won't talk about what is going on. He does have 2 hearing aids, which can hamper him, but even when we ask for clarity of understanding we are never sure he has taken on board what is actually happening. As a result he does say and do things which cause mum, and the rest if the family, a lot of stress. A recent example, he told someone they could just drop in to see Mum. The arrangement we put in place was for people to phone first as Mum is very tired and lethargic from the treatment. However, if she knows things are happening she can rest up in the days running up to it.
Now, I know my Dad is scared. He has always been the breadwinner and Mum ran the house and took care if the bills. I guess what I am looking for are some practical ways to help out a scared husband. Any suggestions would be welcomed.
