Struggling mentally

I'm exactly the same . I was diagnosed with breast cancer and melanoma last summer. Was very surprised how well I coped with it all.Was very shocked but felt I kept going. However this year since all my surgery and radiotherapy has been completed I feel very anxious and worried all the time. I am in contact with my local Macmillan nurse who is helping me enrol on courses such as Hope and putting me forward for councilling available locally. Do you have a Macmillan centre at your local hospital?I have found them very helpful ,and you can always ring Macmillan to talk. 

It is very normal to have good and bad days, it’s also very common to worry about any cancer coming back. Often during treatment you are focusing on the next course or blood test which gets you to the next stage and then comes the scans which I imagine are always an anxious time. Be kind to yourself as it is a rollercoaster particularly dealing with our emotions. People often say ‘keep positive’ or ‘be strong’ but always remember it really is ok not to be ok all of the time. Being strong is showing those emotions and being able to share them some times. I don’t see those negative thoughts as bad, they are hard but it also helps me plan for the  what if… it helps me feel more in control but that’s not for everyone. I felt all of the things you are explaining, the melanoma hadn’t spread to my lymph node but 3 yrs down the line I still have those worries at times about it coming back. You certainly aren’t being daft. I hope it’s good news for you.

Your not being daft my finger was amputated 7 years ago and it came back last year in my lymph nodes..I'm due a scan soon and I'm concerned that the treatment has not worked..you are definitely no alone with your thoughts 

Someone described it as the "chemo effect". Even though you might not have had chemo as such. Having cancer and dealing with all of the highs and lows takes it out of you physically and mentally. Its almost as though you have had to keep it all together and then at the end of treatment your body needs to let it all out. Its normal! X

Hi Robspash and welcome to this supportive forum.  The whole process can leave you spinning for sure.  I finished my year of Pembro (keytruda) last August. I expected to feel good and positive straightaway, most of us do, but others on here have given me insights into the reality of our situation.  The Highlander (a Community Champion on here) recommended a paper to me written by Dr Peter Harvey called-" After the treatment finushes- what then!". It's a very pertinent account of emotions we may be experiencing.  It has certain helpful tips on how to move forward but please be reassured - what you feel is normal. Most of us do move on from this stage to a place where cancer is not our first thought on waking and we begin to look at returning to normal.  I say normal but it's a new normal, we are never exactly the same person again but there will be a time when you're not constantly worrying about the melanoma coming back I promise.  

Lucy x