How to cope with the rollercoaster of emotions

Hi and welcome to the online community

I'm very sorry to hear that you've been diagnosed with melanoma and that you feel that you're not coping.

It's very early days in your diagnosis so it's not surprising that you're feeling very emotional. It's a lot to process when you probably weren't expecting a cancer diagnosis. I remember very well how totally numb I felt when I was told but you will find it easier to cope as time goes on.

Thank you very much for completing your profile as I can see that you're waiting for a wide local excision (WLE) and sentinel lymph node biopsy (SLNB). I had both of these procedures almost exactly 3 years ago so I'm happy to explain the ins and outs involved if you want more detail.

Is the letter that has arrived today for your pre-op? If so this will give you the chance to ask the surgeon any questions you might have about the operation.

I notice in your profile that you've said that you don't want to tell your children anything but I think it will be impossible to hide the fact that you've had surgery from them. Macmillan have a very good booklet that you can download and also this information to help you talk to them.

To download the booklet just click on the photo above.

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Thank you latchbrook,

I think I'm meeting the plastic surgeon to discuss the procedures. They have had the MDT meeting and decided to do all procedure's at the same time. Why won't I be able to hide my procedures? They will know I'm getting moles removed . What is recovery like from the SNB ?it will be my right arm pit as mole on front of shoulder right beside them. 

I was glad to hear your results this time were positive. That must have been scary .thank you for your support. 

X

Hi  (great username by the way)

You're right that the WLE and SLNB will be done at the same time. This is because the radioactive dye injected to identify which of your lymph nodes is the sentinel, has to be injected as close to the site of the melanoma as possible. Therefore it can't be done after the WLE as it wouldn't be as precise. You will have the lymphoscintigraphy, which is the injection and location of your SLN, either the day before or earlier on the day of the operations.

You say that your children know you are having moles removed. Are you having some more moles removed then at the same time as the WLE and SLNB?

If you click on this link it'll take you to a leaflet which I was given when I had my WLE and SLNB. You should be given something similar when you go to see the plastic surgeon. If you scroll down to page 10 you'll see that it says that you'll need to take the first week or so very easy and that you'll need help with household chores. My nurse told me to get my husband to do all the household chores, eg cooking, cleaning, etc so that was a nice break for me! Also it could take up to 2 weeks before you'll be able to drive again.

I didn't have too much pain from the two operation sites, the SLNB site was the more painful of the two. My WLE was on my upper left arm and my SLNB from my left armpit. I took the painkillers as directed and after a couple of days didn't need them anymore.

I just think that your daughters, who I think are teenagers, are going to notice during this period of time that you're not able to do things as normal.

You'll also need to be vigilant in the sun from now on. If you haven't already been given information about being Sunsafe then this is what I was advised:

1. Stay out of the sun during the strongest time of the day (11am to 3pm) between April and October inclusive in the UK and in all months of the year in any other part of the world
2. When going outside wear long sleeved tops and trousers/skirts made from natural fibres like cotton
3. Wear a broad brimmed hat (brim should be at least 3 inches) and sun glasses
4. Sit in the shade and never sunbathe (or sun bake as the Australians call it!)
5. Any part of your body that is not covered, ie face, neck, back of hands should have a sun protection cream of SPF 50 that is effective against both UVA and UVB rays
6. Re-apply the sunscreen every couple of hours or immediately after swimming
7. Never use sunbeds
8. Don't use sunscreen instead of covering up

Of course you may already do all of this.

The first summer after I was diagnosed was particularly hard as I used to enjoy sitting in the sun. However, I quickly got used to the new regime and have a selection of hats to choose from when I go out. I also decided that I now needed a whole new wardrobe so went on a shopping spree. So, every cloud has a silver lining!

I leave a hat permanently in the car so if I forget to take one with me I know I'll have one. Leaving a tube of sunscreen in the glove compartment is a good idea too.

Ask the surgeon how long results are currently taking for biopsies of the WLE and SLN. Also, how will you get the results. I had an appointment a couple of weeks later when the surgeon checked the wounds and gave me my results.

Once you've had these results then you'll be seen by a dermatologist every 3 months for 3 years followed by 6-monthly for 2 years. I'm just coming up to the end of my 3 monthly check-ups.

Anything else you want to know just ask

Sending a supportive (((hug)))

Hi Latchbrook, Thank you so much for your post . I really didn't realise the extent of the next procedures plus I have 3 moles being removed from my back and one right between my toes at the same time .Think I'm having a bit of a reality check. 

I sent the leaflet to my husband who is living in a world where there's nothing wrong. Which on one hand is nice for a sense of normality but on the other isn't able to hear my fears. 

I will have to rethink what to say to the children.

My heart felt thanks

C x

Hi 

I'm glad my reply helped you to understand what will be happening next.

Some people find that the only way for them to cope is to pretend that everything is normal and it sounds like this may be your husbands way of coping. He may also feel that he's helping you by acting as if there's nothing wrong.

You might not be aware but the Macmillan Support Line is available for him as well as for you and he might find talking things through with a stranger helpful. It's free to call on 0808 808 0000 and is available daily from 8am to 8pm.

You sound like you have a lot going on operation wise with a WLE, SLNB, and 4 more moles being removed all at the same time. Do you have a date for this yet? I know that you're off to see the plastic surgeon soon.

You might find downloading these booklets useful for both you and your husband.

Let us know how you get on

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