I feel overwhelmed

Hi , I’m sorry that things aren’t going well for you at the moment I know what that feels like. I think I have wished that it would all magically go away like in a time machine or something, whizzing back to an alternative reality where it didn’t happen, or whizzing ahead to a time when hopefully all is no evidence of disease again. Those things are very different to giving up or giving in, but sometimes I find a need or can’t help myself from wallowing a bit in what I’m hating about now, but I don’t want to think ahead to where things might or will get worse as that’s a very gloomy place and I did that thinking a lot when I was first diagnosed with melanoma that had spread and no primary to remove, and to many nodes to operate on. These days I have to talk myself remember what I can be grateful for at the moment, to see that today there are still good things around me and that I feel well and that there are treatments ahead, it’s just getting used to the idea of going through them.

I was also concerned about having a lymph node dissection in the groin, for me though it was because originally it wasn’t just my groin nodes that were involved it was many pelvic and abdominal lymph nodes so the advantages of having surgery that they hope will remove all of the cancer didn’t resonate with me so much. It’s very hard to think about about what is the best course of action of us (as you say we are all different in experience) I think I do have an ability to become detached from the situation and look logically but sometimes there’s an overwhelming heart reaction as well that demands to be listened to. I’m wondering which one is coming out on top for you and what treatment decisions you think you have and why? I’m hoping that question might help you put some thoughts together, but feel free to say to too hard to think about at the moment, as I’ve done that to. I find sometimes doing a post or rewriting my profile or talking to friends can shake up a few emotions or ideas that I thought I already had straightened out, I try not to revisit anything that is too late to be changed.

So sorry I now seem to be rambling a bit.

Don’t be sorry, you are not rambling at all and what you just said makes perfect sense to me. 
I need to do a MRI in 10 days, then finally I will see the oncologist and we will discuss the option for me. Last week I only met the plastic surgery and the dermatologist and they said to me that, unfortunately, the biopsy to the groin was positive, while the others 3 were clear.

you right when you said to think logically, but since the diagnosis I keep having bad news: I found out that in addition to the nodes sentinel procedure, they removed another mole the day of the surgery. So anytime I need to see doctors I expect some bad news. So anytime they speak to me, I only focus on the side effects of the next step and I can’t speak or do any sort of questions. I’m also a non English native speaker, so they need to slow down and all sounds even worse.

I think I did the best decision to join this community because I feel you guys can feel what I am feeling

Hi there, 

Thank you for writing your post, you've gave me the courage to speak . I hear your fear and desperation. I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma a month ago. And I can't say I haven't felt the extreme of every difficult emotion. Even though I have great friends and family I feel so desperately alone. I've realised our journey is unique and yet similar and being scared , fearful, and desperate are places I'm going to visit regularly. But today I'm sitting on my bed sun shining in and focusing on that I don't have any physical symptoms ,I'm waiting for an other scarey Dr appointment that I have no control of. I'm going to get up hug my girls who know nothing and do something that brings me joy just for today as god knows what place I'll be in tomorrow.

Please be kind to yourself , you are going through hell dealing with the unfairness and uncertainty. I know very little about this journey but hopefully you know your not alone,as this group seems llovely and we will be herefor your highs and lows 

Hi

I’m glad I gave you the courage to share your experience and I am really sorry to hear that you had a similar diagnosis. Id like to tell you that everything will be fine, but I am at the beginning of this journey too and I only can share my feelings and try not to feel alone or hopeless. And you gave me hope with your message: today, I will try to do something that brings joy to me too. I think I will come back to my yoga mat and I will try not to think to this bloody cancer for a while.

i send you a big hug ️

Hi,

I understand how overwhelming and scary this is for you and that you feel every appointment brings bad news - please believe me when I say it does get a little easier to handle and, once you know what treatment is planned, you can start to feel a little more in control and positive going forward.

Although it will be of no consolation to you at the moment, being diagnosed Stage 3 now is much better than it was 10 years ago when I was diagnosed. Surgery was the only option followed by regular checks and lots of crossed fingers and prayers. Now Stage 3 patients have the added advantage of adjuvant treatment. Although the success of these treatments are not fully known due to the short time they have been available, short term statistics are looking very promising, so a Stage 3 diagnosis isn't as desperate as it once was.

Being young is one thing in your favour as you have more chance of tolerating the treatments and having a successful response to them - older patients find it much harder. As others have said, try to distract yourself and be kind to yourself. I hope your next appointment helps to answer your questions and gives you more confidence in the treatment your team plan for you. xx

Hi

So sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. I also had a melanoma diagnosis in my abdomen ( you can see more detail in my profile )

I didn’t need to have a biopsy in the groin as due to the size they were certain it would’ve spread there and I’ve began target therapy . Like you my scans were clear but the growth itself was big and nasty and pretty deep . 

I complete relate to your feeling right now, I’m also in my 30s and up until November last year had never had to attend hospital.

Im glad you’ve joined this group, I’m by no means an expert and still understanding what my path will be but the people on here are fab and everyone has different experiences which has helped me. 

I’m on week three on my treatment and so far so good . I’m prepared for the fact that may change but everyone that I’ve spoken to on here has held a different experience on it - but understanding has helped.

For me it has got easier and I feel less scared than I did late last year. Take your time with it , and allow yourself to be upset if you need to , it will get easier 

x

Hi ,

Thanks for getting back to me - your reply has been helpful because you said a couple of things that I keep forgetting because I can see only the dark side of the diagnosis. I really hope situation will get better and some point and I’ll stop to feel so lost, as I am. 
You mentioned you had a similar diagnosis 10 yrs ago, I hope you are well now and all checks are fine. Xx

Hi Reid06,

im really glad you have shared your experience with me: it gives me hope and confidence 

its really sad we need to go through this at our age: my friends keep saying that I’ll be stronger than ever afterwards.

For now, I am only scared and lost. I thought I was copying with this when I was waiting for the results of the new biopsy, but from Thursday I am again overwhelmed and, from all the messages I received, I think that the reason of all my bad feelings is because the stage of my cancer is now confirmed, but I still do not have a treatment plan that gives me hope and confidence.

please keep me posted on your treatments. I really hope they are working and you can finally start to see the bright side of what happened to you.

I send you a big hug xx

No problem

I think you will definitely feel a lot better when you have a plan. That made me feel better.

Im in a routine now with meds and understand what I need to do in terms of managing it.

You’ve got this, keep us posted.