Feeling scared - so many questions

Hello Daffodil59, I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but that’s a great list of questions that you’ve drawn up to ask at your pre op meeting and for the people here.

I have not had a primary melanoma but I have had a general anaesthetic when one of my lymph nodes were removed, it very quickly put me in a sleep and for me and the next thing I knew was a nurse trying to get me to open my eyes and wake up. I suppose any old stats for remaining clear after their first melanoma will now be out of date due to adjuvant treatment helping to prevent reoccurrences. I have a bit of a dislike for statistics as they can make you feel anxious about the uncertainty, and can never tell you what will happen to you. On the bright side they can give you something that you feel you want to beat to be the top of the survival curve, and we all need hope and good news stories to keep us going sometimes, other times it’s working on how to cope with the uncertainty of it all, and to keep going until the uncertainty has been come to terms with and only raises its head a little bit. 

Oh rats I’ve become all philosophical again, must be time to go to sleep, I hope in the morning if not before others can add their positive tales for you. Getting the date is scary as it brings things to the front of your mind again. Every 3 months I have scans I’ve learnt that receiving the letter, going for the scan and the day of the results are all triggers for starting to worry again but knowing that can help plan when to make an effort to do enjoyable distracting things or to reward yourself because you’ve been able to shelve those worries in between those times.

it sounds like your going to be at coping, I certainly hope so. 

Hi Daffodil59

 Firstly welcome  you’ve come to a very good place to get support and advise
(and please read my profile to get my background )

here’s the the medical bit 

I’m in a similar situation to you. Melanoma diagnosis 1b , 2a. 
 Haven’t had a GA since I was 5,  was worried how I’d react -

has it done a week ago.

 in the end all very good ,I remember looking at the clock on the wall as the needle went in at 1106 am .as soon as anaesthetist popped in the anaesthetic  it felt quite  nice like being very tipsy,

the next thing  I’m being asked to open my eyes and it was all over.

i was a bit cold in recovery shivering. so I was give a hot cup of tea and a warmed blanket 

the opp took just under 2 hours.was discharged in the after noon at 4 .spent the next day at home  mostly with feet up watching tv and munching a few chocolates . 

1 week post opp, the scar to my WLE is about 5/1/2. Inches.Lymph node scar in 2 1/12 ,both  areas still sore,

below  WLE is numbness  about 2 inches wide passing across my ancient extending to  the sole of my foot.

lymph site  just below the groin is there is numbness again below the incision  in a circle about the size of a flat hand .

Now the everyday  human stuff.

I’m walking ok  in the house and pottering about, after 20 minutes or so it starts to aches and throb a bit , so I’ll stop put my leg up for about half an hour.i have been out to local super market  for some fresh air obviously I can’t drive yet .

 Tuesday was my husband birthday so we all went out for lunch my son  has a carer  2 x a week and she came to too and drove, so hubby could have a birthday beer!

my trouble is I’m not good at sitting for al long time as I’m usually up and about etc.

To be honsest that’s been mentally difficult and having to let other do for me, if your read my latest posts you’ll get the idea.

also I’m trying not to think it’s has spread to they lymph as I know I’ll need chemotherapy of some kind.

my surgeon  gave me good advice  she said don’t go looking into that yet ,you hopefully won’t need it but if you do everything will be explained then.try not to worry, 

of course I do worry. I’ve tried not to dwell on things but go on here instead  or  email my McMillan cancer nurse who is very reassuring.

The next few weeks waiting I’ll find hard ,but there’s always plenty of other thing with my family to worry about instead

 Anyway had my dressing changes and steri strips replaced so got to see for the first time what it actually looks like .

WLE  site its very neat I didn’t need a skin graft. Some swelling  to be expected which is going down as they days go by.

lymph node site is more lumpy and a little more tender. The nurse said  don’t rush for back to work until I get my results.  She said even though you feel ok just wait.
that’s hard as initial I was told by the surgeon  a week ,then the pre assent nurse said take two weeks off so I have been letting work know and yesterday I had to say I’ll be of another three.
But it is what is , and they’ll have to cope without me !   I’d didn’t  ask for this

 Sorry I get bit angry too. I hope my explanation  wasn’t  too long and involved ,I do tend to ramble on a fair bit.

Hope  that my experience may give you an idea of what you might expect. And I agree the prospect of 3 monthly checks is dawnting,  but  really it’s great ,think positive as without them we’re in the dark.

and I wish you all the very best of luck 

 let me know how you get on and ask me anything anytime.

big cwtches

Hello KTatHome

Thank you so much for your reply, especially so late at night. 

Yes, I can and will ask so many questions at the pre-op and you're right about the statistics being out of date. I've already googled so much, but there's nothing like reaching out and getting help and feedback from others who've gone through it. Thanks for your reassurance re the general anaesthetic. I guess it's fear of the unknown. 

I'll try to plan some nice distractions between now and 5th Feb, as you suggest. Maybe a haircut. I'm usually a positive person so I don't know why I'm dwelling on all the negatives. Hopefully this'll improve over time with familiarity. 

Best wishes to you and thanks again. 

Hello FannyFayeFaffingon

Goodness, great name

Thank you so much for your reply. It was really helpful and reassuring, especially since we're both at the same stage. I'm sorry you're going through all this too. It seems incredible that a tiny mole can lead to a 5 1/2 inch scar doesn't it. Having the excision from your calf must be painful and difficult as there's not a lot of meat and you use your leg every time you walk. Mine will be on my lower back. I didn't realise how much moving in general involves your back until I had the first incision. 

I guess my  SNLB will be in my groin, although I was told it could be my armpit. If it's in my groin, like you, does this affect walking? It's just that the plastic surgeon told me I'd need a week off work but you're needing longer. Is that because of the WLE or SNLB?  My workplace won't be too happy if I need longer. I know they can't do anything but I teach and it's so difficult taking time off as it affects the students and puts everything behind so that when I go back there's such a lot to try to catch up on. Very stressful. 

Thanks for sharing info about your scars. Fingers crossed they heal quickly for you. 

It's ok to get cross. I think that's pretty normal. I'm still feeling in shock, but I guess the anger will come. I just keep thinking how come it happened to me? I don't have lots of moles and those I have are not large. My cousin had an in situ last year so maybe it's genetic. In which case I worry for my children (both in their twenties too). 

I could ramble on but better not. 

Thanks again, your profile seems that you have a lot to cope with so I hope you're managing ok and that your results will be good. Best of luck. 

Hi Daffodil59.

thanks for your kindness, yes that name, It makes me smile , my mums nick name for me was  Fanny franackerpan ? I don’t know where that came from ,  So I changed it a bit to suit my dithering tendencies.

i was still shocked  when I got the diagnosis  and I’ve had  training  in cancer screening for my job

( Dental hygienists)but I was Really hoping I was wrong. 

so to answer your questions.

Yep for a  5mm mole there’s quite a sizeable chunk out of my muscle I do have meaty legs( from all the dog walking with heavy boots I think) .Its also swollen it feels like a sharp cramp of I put weight on it for about 5 mins.

groin although much smaller seems to give a sharp stab of pain when I walk down  steps . The top of my thigh seems more sensitive  to the rubbing of clothing , so I’ve been wearing baggy trousers or a pleated skirt.

yes I was told a week off by my plastic surgeon but each Nurse  I’ve seen since Seems to be adding more.so I’ll take of another 2 weeks at least I think and see how I am then ,if it’s healed well and  ,if I feel ok I may go back ,I’ll still have another week to wait for my results. I’ll be going bonkers by then and will need a distraction.

Yes With me it could be a genetic thing .All of my sibling and my dad had quite a few moles but I’m absolutely plastered. My mum was ginger very freckley. I’ve got reddish brown hair pale skin.

Moles -I’ve got at least hundred on each arm and legs fewer on my torso.if I was a dog I’d be a liver spotted Dalmatian!

My moles vary in size from tiny  Specks to about the size of a 5p. So with all that I’m in a high risk category.

and yes when younger and stupid I did sunbath. But we all did,

my boys have some moles but nowhere as many as me ,I’ve always made sure the were sun safe and they wore uv suits as children on the beach or in the garden.so they’ll be ok. 

Good luck as I’ve said keep strong and keep me posted 

any other questions please ask.

big cwtches