Guilt

Hello , I’m sorry to hear about your daughter and how you are feeling, you’ve put a lot into your short post. Firstly I hope it helps for me to say I had little knowledge of melanoma before my own diagnosis, so I think you can forgive yourself for anything in the past. I noticed that you said the mole was only removed to days ago, so my own feeling is that you may be racing ahead of yourself at the moment, the mole will have been removed as they suspect melanoma but melanoma can not be confirmed until the biopsy results as there are moles that look very much like melanoma but are not confirmed as such, we have had a few examples of that on this site. 

You mention that she is very tired and that she has aching joints, I may be wrong but again I think you may have been googling and already suspect not only melanoma but melanoma that has spread. The alternative more positive thought is that stress can make someone very tired and can also cause aching joints as you hold yourself differently when you are under stress, so I would like to urge you to stay positive until and if you get bad news. The results are very likely to take 4 weeks and I can understand how you say you are not sure how to cope with the wait, and unfortunately it many be the first wait of many if it is confirmed as melanoma. 

Its very natural to worry and race ahead, and feel guilty, and many other emotions, and I hope it helps to know that it’s very natural and that many of us are here to help you cope with those 4 weeks if we can. There is a Macmillan Information and support section that you might find helpful to read about coping with emotions and getting support I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to put a few links in. 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/your-emotions/looking-after-someone-with-cancer

To get support from others who will understand i thought I might also point you in the direction of the carers only group and the group parents of children with cancer (not just adult children). 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/carers_only/discussions

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/parents_of_adult_children_with_cancer/discussions

Melanoma in a child is very rare and so I wondered if this discussion https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/melanoma/f/melanoma-forum/179493/paediatric-melanoma---diagnosis-process-anyone-out-there?pi8643=1#1332123

might help you although unfortunately I don’t think we know the end result.

If we can be of any help with the wait and how we cope, or any other info we can give please ask, there is also an ask an expert section. 

Best wishes

Thank you so much for your lovely, informative reply. The reason I say it’s melanoma is my dermatologist said she was almost positive that it was and had only ever seen one that looked like my daughters that came back negative. Also she had been tired with aching joints for months and got diagnosed with costochondritis. You are right though I shouldn’t run ahead and think the worst. Part of me prefers to be forearmed and prepared for it though. Thank you for the links and I will look at those. 

H xx

Hi , I do believe that when someone’s anxious it’s good to talk it out, as it helps people to move on and get more positive, that’s how I approach things. 

I wondered if this video from the melanoma patient conference might be of interest to you 

https://youtu.be/SJ8RrSbPQbo - professor Bruce Moreland talking about childhood melanoma. 

Best wishes

Hi haselsnuts

Your daughter has a diagnosis for the cause of the joint pain. I think that means it is not related to the mole. Chronic joint pain is enough reason on its own for your daughter being tired.

It is horrible waiting for results. It must be even harder when it is your child rather than yourself.

All the best

Hi KT,

That was a very reassuring video, thank you! 

I read your story and you are an inspiration. I wish you all the best! 

H x

Thank you Moira, I’ve calmed down a bit now and will try and keep busy and positive. 

H x

Hi Lovely. 

I hope have some reassurance for you.. In April this year I became aware of a growth on my dad’s leg.. when I asked how long it had been there he said since he’d been in hospital for a pacemaker (that was 4 years ago) 

Long story short.. I ordered him to doctor which he tried to delay further. He had a biopsy in May which came back Melanoma and not all had been removed. He then had surgery July to remove the rest, he had skin graft and lymph node removed. 

I was worried sick.. how can something that’s been that long not have done damage? The growth was 4.5ml... if it had spread to lymph it would mean Chemo. We FINALLY got results just yesterday and the Lymph node was clear. No further treatment, but will be kept an eye on for years by dermatology. 

At the time I was desperate to hear of someone with a similar story. I hope this helps you stay positive.

The other thing is it may not have been a Melanoma when you spotted it, don’t give yourself a hard time my lovely, you wasn’t to know. My dad see this thing grow/change/ooze and left it for several years and we are so grateful for yesterday’s outcome. 

If you need support in this time, reach out to anyone you feel you can. Stay Positive (I know how hard that it but I hope this helps!) 

xx

Thank you for taking the time to reply and reassure me. I am so pleased that your Dad got the all clear. What a relief for you all. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since the mole was removed so hopefully we don’t have long to wait for results. 

All the best to you and your Dad xxx

1. Hi Haselsnuts I was wondering if you had any news as my 9 yr old is going through a similar situation?x

1. Hi Haselsnuts I was wondering if you had any news as my 9 yr old is going through a similar situation?x