My mum is a beautiful 61 yo lady, no symptoms til recently, after a trip to A&E in January for a chest pain we were finally told it was lung cancer on 6th March, then on 14th March told there was pleural effusion and fluid in lining of lungs which needed to be drained, so it was stage 4 advanced and had spread to the lining of the lung. They said they were shocked how fast and aggressive and had only just spread in the last few weeks when comparing ct to pet scan. They said this means they can’t operate and will offer palliative combination chemotherapy. They kept repeating this is not to cure but to make her feel better. They said it works for 1 in 3 and 2 in 3 ‘feel better’ with pain and symptoms. I am wondering is this basically not going to help her live longer? They didn’t tell my mum how long she had left. They said there were more tumours but wouldn’t say how many when we asked saying it doesn’t matter as the chemo would reach it all (but they said it’s palliative chemo?). My worry is- are they offering a tiny bit of chemo just to offer something, will it work, will it not, will it make my mum so sick only to extend life by a tiny bit? privately on phone to me the cancer nurse said it can extend by weeks or ‘a few short months’ but not years. There has been no other information since, except district nurses bringing end of life drugs to the house and palliative nurses turning up to the house days after diagnosis. My glamorous mum is devastated but looks fine and is being normal so far. It is all devastating. I wish I could ask how long she will live and for some proper information but I can’t ask that in front of my mum. I’m a teacher and signed off wick as I’m struggling to function with this shattering news and feel crippled with fear. I don’t know how to take care of mum or what to expect from gemcarbo chemo (we found this out as it was handwritten in the middle of an information book sent through the post with a letter to attend a day care cancer centre (we’re guessing that’s the chemo beginning next week, 3 weeks after diagnosis but it doesn’t state clearly). I just don’t know what to expect. Life has turned upside down and I’m struggling to cope mentally. Can anyone resonate or help?
Amber I am so sorry to hear your mum has been given this diagnoses. This is such a scary time for you both, if you can take the time off work to spend with mum I really think it is a good idea. These next few weeks will be very challenging for you both. I know you said that you are worried that they are just offering chemo to look like they are doing something, but they really wouldn’t give chemo unless they think it will be helpful, and I think it will help with the fluid build up that mum has been experiencing.
Amber I lost my mum to cancer 11 years ago ( it certainly doesn’t feel like that long ago) and her last week I spent with her at home, she had been in hospital for several weeks prior to that. That last week me and mum spoke about many things that we hadn’t before, reminiscing, laughing, crying together. It was important for mum to get her house in order, she planned her funeral, the hymns, prayers that she wanted. She also sorted her jewellery and gave what she wanted to family members. This is tough, and may be hard for your mum to talk about, but it made mum feel better knowing her wishes were being carried out.
Everyone reacts to chemo differently, and mum will be watched very closely. They will give her anti sickness meds, and she may feel tired from the treatment. The first one is always the hardest because you don’t know what to expect.
I know you said you would like to know how long mum has left, but please think very carefully before asking, as once you know, you can’t take that back. And if mum doesn’t want to know it will be hard to keep that from her.
Thinking of you both, please let us know how mum gets on.
Hi Amber
Im so very sorry to hear of your mums diagnoses. I just wanted to come and offer my support if it helps, I know how devastating it is from the point of view of a daughter and now as a cancer sufferer myself.
I’d say as Chelle did that if they’re offering chemotherapy they must think it’ll help her in some way and palliative care doesn’t mean it’s the end either. That is dependent on treatment and how well it works or is tolerated.
I myself was diagnosed in January and I am on palliative treatment for the want of a better word and I ain’t going anywhere yet I can assure you. I’m on targeted therapy and it can work for years if it’s the right treatment.
I lost my Mum to Oesophageal cancer 8 years ago only 9 months after she was diagnosed but it was an infection I lost her to not the cancer itself. I understand exactly how you’re feeling I really do. The thought of losing them is all consuming. It’s absolutely the hardest thing you’ll ever deal with but I stayed strong in front of her and I and my family got her through it. You can do the same for her I’m sure, you’re stronger than you think.
Anyway we’re here if you need us Amber.
Sending positive vibes only and a hug 
take care
Jools 
Hi Amber
First of all where food is concerned….make whatever she fancies wether it’s good for her or not
You’re right you definitely shouldn’t google, it really doesn’t help and I know that a lot of info is not up to date as treatment is so different now but I’m guilty of it myself I think it’s hard to resist when it takes so long to get to the bottom of everything.
When I was first diagnosed I googled a lot and according to that I’d have 6-12 months at best, I frightened myself half to death in the process. I’ve never been so scared.
I consider myself lucky to have a gene that can be treated, I may still only have months but I might have years so I’m choosing life and staying positive.
I can relate to your mum in that I’ve also had rheumatoid arthritis since I was in my early 30’s so over 30 years, I’m 63, I also have fibromyalgia. Apparently RA can trigger lung cancer eventually. Theres no screening which makes me angry!
I’ve been on methotrexate, sulphasalazine and several other anti inflammatory meds for all that time. Methotrexate is actually an anti cancer drug so it can only add an extra layer of help in my book. Except in melanomas then you’d be taken off them according to my oncologist.
I know our white blood cells are already low but I’ve been handling that for 30 years too by staying away from anyone with infections if possible, we just have to be stricter about that now we’re fighting cancer too.
My family and friends are great they all stay away if they’re ill bless them.
Even though they are making preparations it still doesn’t mean she’s leaving you imminently, if the treatment works it might still buy her time all be it a short amount. Embrace it, when she’s well make memories and treasure every minute.
As you don’t seem to have much information on the type of cancer, I know it’s squamous cell but where exactly has it spread to etc I should imagine having all the problems she has maybe her Arthritis has masked her symptoms and that’s maybe why she’s had a late diagnoses. I have back pain now which I put down to RA but it could also be my spine mets.
I would suggest you speak with her cancer nurses. You should have a contact number for them and get as much info as you can. You don’t have to tell your mum everything you find out but I’d certainly be questioning exactly why they’ve chosen that treatment and why they haven’t offered certain things as they don’t seem to have been very clear on that.
Information is power even though it might not be what you are hoping for, I have to say though by what they’ve said they seem pretty sure where your mum is at sadly but it doesn’t hurt to ask questions.
When my Mum was first diagnosed she told me she didn’t want to know if she was going to die. Myself and my family kept that from her right till the end.
The oncologist told me when I asked without my mum present that she had between 6 and 18 months. She passed 9 months after she was diagnosed.
I put on a brave face when I was with her and cried all the way home every day, I’d swear I grieved for her before she’d gone. It was the worst time of my life, but it’s the last thing we could do for her.
You're strong enough Amber, you probably don’t think you are but you will be, for her, because you love her.
Jools 
Thank you, I’m doing my best.
Thinking about it when I asked if it was safe for me to stay on methotrexate my rheumatologist said yes because I have adenocarcinoma, he said had I had melanoma or squamous cell he would’ve taken me off it. I’m not sure why.
Good luck with the oncologist stay strong and remember we’re here if you need us.
Hugs and positive vibes
Jools
