My bestest closest friend of 19 years is just starting the journey, treatment starts next week, im looking for support, encouragement and advice whilst we enter into the unknown... im honestly terrified of it all.
I can only speak for myself, but I can give you the things I have found helpful and not so helpful. Hope this helps
Tip no. 1. Never be judgemental. Sometimes cancer is bad luck, no matter your lifestyle choice. A relative of mine died from prostate cancer,. He smoked like a chimney up till the day he died and yet had perfectly healthy lungs! I(Iknow this because I used to take him for his scan results) I, on the other hand smoked briefly in my 20s, gave up over 30 years ago and have stage 4 cancer!
People wirh lung cancer, skin cancer and cervical cancer ((just to name a few) tend to get more judgement (unfairly imo) than say some of the other pink, fluffy, let's all put on tutus and shave our heads in support 'cute' cancers.
Your friend will quickly realise that the world has a very unfair way of treating different cancers.This knowledge will add an extra layer of stress to an already extremely stressful time. So be that one friend who doesn't judge .
That is my top tip.
Also once the initial shock has worn off your friend will want to be treated ike a normal person. Even though your friend has cancer there will still be times when they want to have a laugh with you so try and keep things lightl. No-one wants to be treated like a victim. '
Other times they will want to talk in depth about it. But try to take the lead from them.
Respect their boundaries. My home is my refuge. I dont want people turning up all the time weeping and wailing and invading my space and my private time with my partner.
On the other hand some people love the fuss. But if your friend doesn't, don't hold it against them.
Don't get jealous if your friend refuses ro go for coffee with you one day and you find out that theyve been out with another friend the following day.
Cancer is full of ups and downs. Sometimes i have to say no to people because i have no energy, and yet the next day i can be fine, so will go out with people. It's norhing personal.
But don't stop asking. Eventually things will work out and they will be able to meet with you.
