Dad got lung cancer

Hi Tutusue welcome to the group but sorry to hear about your dad. I know how stressful this must be for you all. 

I am so sorry that your dad found out that way, it happens a lot unfortunately, I was told by my GP over the phone. it is very wrong and should never happen that.

I know the wait to see the oncologist won’t be easy. You sound like a very close family and I am glad you will have each other for support. You can always call the Macmillan support line if you need to talk to someone about your dad. They are open 7 days a week from 8am until 8pm On 0808 808 0000. 

Take care x 

Hello Tutusue,

I've just joined up to this forum and seen your post. Basically, I am about two weeks behind you, with a pretty similar story.

My dad is 85 and has vascular Parkinson's, an essential tremor, inoperable gallstones (due to age and co-morbidities) and had a heart attack 4 years ago, to kick off this rollercoaster. Until that point he was an active retiree, who walked his dog 45 minutes a day and then walked to the shops etc.

Last week he began to show signs of confusion, that led me to think he had a UTI, which has recurred since he had sepsis 18 months ago. The doctors began treating him with IV antibiotics and that is starting to clear. 

A few weeks ago he saw his Parkinson's consultant, who ordered a abdominal CT scan, due to pain, which he thought most likely because of the constipation often experienced by PD patients. The hospital decided to do this while he was there anyway and I don't know why, added a chest CT.

The abdominal scan showed what was expected, but the chest showed a mass they wanted to check out with the respiratory team. Yesterday, with no warning, a respiratory doctor called me and said my dad has a 40mm mass in one lung, that does not appear to have spread and he said is most probably lung cancer. He said at his age surgery and chemo were probably not a good idea, so we are left with doing nothing. He was very nice and apologised for telling me on the phone, but other than saying he would be seen in clinic, I have no more information than that. As soon as he put the phone down, my mind was filled with questions and no one to ask.

He did, just as in your case, say that he had told my dad, who was on his own, with delirium from the infection and he didn't seem to understand. When I went in later, he told me a doctor had said he had something in his lung, but without much information, I didn't have the heart, or the energy to try to explain it to him, and he seemed much happier not to know more, in his current state.

I have no idea where we go from here, no idea if there will be more tests, how long we may be looking at with him (I know this is hard to judge and may be wrong) or even when we all see another doctor about this.

Perhaps we could support each other? I think there is a friendship link function x

Hello,

Thanks for your message, I'm sorry to hear about your dad, it definitely sounds like we are both going through the same thing with our lovely dads, 

We went to see the respiratory dr last tuesday, dad had a xray, and it still shows a small mass, but the dr wanted dad to have another CT scan before she makes and diagnosis..

Dads dosent want to talk about it, he is a very private man, but the dementia as progressed alot in the last 2 weeks, we also have noticed the tremor has got more apparent.. 

Hes very weak, but hopefully the CT scan on sunday. Will give us some answers.. dads getting quiet challenging and forgetful alot more in this last week.. he can be very vocal, hes controlling everything, and is accusing mum of having a affair with the male carer.. totally not true, but it dosent help that dads in the spare room now, 

I find it extremely hard as I'm very close to my parent's,  and with this cancer diagnosis I'm not going to cope , I'm a bit protective over them, not good really, but I do help out as much as I can.. ..

Any way lovely to meet you, where in the uk are you, I'm in Shropshire 

Sending you a hug , 

Take care

Sue x

Hello Sue,

Things sound really tough for your family, I am sorry to hear that your dad has got worse so quickly.

Somehow I have found that just having a diagnosis has really hit me. I knew that my dad was not doing well medically and that our time with him was not going to be as long as we would like, but giving it a name has made everything feel so much worse. Perhaps this is affecting your dad too, he has been dealing with a lot already, but the word scares the best of us.

I am glad to hear that you have already been able to see a respiratory doctor, who is doing more scans, hopefully this will give you more information and make you feel like you have a bit more of an idea of how things are going and the support you will get. I am a confessed control freak, so not knowing is driving me nuts and just hoping that we at least get an appointment soon.

It is hard for us, as it is for them. I have found the last 18 months caring for both of my parents, we lost my mum in January, but these days I almost feel more the parent than the daughter and not being able to do anything for them is so difficult, but as a daughter the thought of losing him, even at my age, almost turns me back to being a scared child.

It is nice feeling that I have someone to talk to, who understands exactly, but is still distanced, thank you! I'm in Derbyshire, nice to know where you are.

I have pressed the friend request button, so perhaps you will get an email or something, if you would like to talk more.

Don't forget to look after yourself too, take care.

Sending a hug back

Helen x