Hello

Morning SpoonieWarrior.‍♀️

Sorry you’re having to go through something else. I hope it works out for you. 

i know that awful feeling of ‘not another thing, please no’ as have had medical issues for 7 years - although not cancer before.

I told my husband (and family) immediately to give them more time to adjust - and support me.  I’m glad I did because mine was lung cancer too. But it depends on you really, and your relationship with your husband…

I hope you don’t have to post again but if you do, you’ll get amazing support. Xx

Hi Spoonie Warrior, 

I started the process of scans in late February and had an initial diagnosis of lung cancer about 4 weeks later followed by more scans and a lung biopsy. My husband knew I was going for scans so I shared information as soon as I had it. I had to go to the initial diagnosis on my own so I shared the unwelcome news with him when I got home. Since the confirmation I’ve since told my children once it was confirmed.

My husband certainly picked up on my unspoken concerns and personally telling him was probably the best thing. The reason I believe this is that I’ve known when my husband has something on his mind even if he doesn’t talk about it. When I know something is bothering him, it’s not helpful not knowing and worries me. It took me a long time to get him to open up but for me, it makes life much easier. Whether to tell him or not is obviously your decision but I can only speak from my own experiences.

I’m now waiting for a lobectomy, possibly followed by some chemotherapy but I won’t know for definite until after the operation.

The worst thing is the waiting for the next step whatever that might be as I can’t plan anything more than a week in advance. It’s good to have my husband’s support, even if it is unspoken.

 Wishing you all the best for whatever this journey might hold.

Hi DaisyChain. Thank you so much for your reply. Did you tell your husband before you had the diagnosis? At the CT scan stage? I just don’t want to worry him if there is nothing to worry about. I am not sure if I am being selfless or selfish. 

Hi QueenHope. Thanks for your reply. I love your name!! Did you tell him before diagnosis. I am still at the waiting stage and need a CT scan next. I have been Poorly for 23 years so this just feels like something else I would burden him with. 

Not after the first scan but then they sent me for another scan on a Saturday morning. My husband was aware of this scan and he wanted to play ‘What if it’s…”. At that point I didn’t want to do what I call the What If game so we agreed to wait until we knew something definite. The first thing he said to me when cancer was confirmed was that we’d get through it together. After that, he came with me when we went for the full diagnosis and treatment plan. I told my children via email and messenger about the confirmed diagnosis, initially as I just wanted time to inwardly digest before talking about it. I’ve continued with updates via the messenger group so they all have any info at the same time. From time to time my children ask if I know when the procedure will be and just call to check up on me.

TBH, I currently spend as little time as I can dwelling on it all but as I said the waiting for me is currently the worst thing. I’m avoiding people generally speaking as I want to avoid Covid as this would put the operation back.

I hope I’ve managed to answer your question, ok but do please ask anything you want.

Wishing you all the best xx

Hi Spoonie, my husband always knows if I’m worrying about something and not telling him. As QueenHope says it depends on you and your relationship with your husband xx

Thank you! Yes, I can’t hide anything from him as he instantly knows when I’m trying to hide something (apart from buying clothes obvs!). Made me feel less lonely too. Your husband knows your a bit fragile and might even be hurt that you didn’t confide in him. But your choice, of course.. xx

Thank you to you both. I think I will wait until after the first CT scan then tell him either way. I just can’t be doing with him worrying over hopefully nothing! He won’t know I am keeping a secret. He isn’t that intuitive. Plus I am a great actress! Lol. I wish you both all the best. Always here if you need a vent. 

Thank you xx