Mum has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer for the 3rd time but this time its spread to her spine, ribs and other surrounding bones. Stage 4.
She's having 2 intense sessions of radiotherapy starting tomorrow for the cancer in her spine & ribs then chemotherapy a few wks later.
I'm desperate to know the average life expectancy so we can prepare ourselves and ensure we don't miss out on making final memories and ensuring she does all the things on her bucket list.
I'm also wanting to discuss what she wants to happen after she passes without it upsetting her too much. I'd like tonmakecsure she gets everything she wants.
Hi JRB1304, welcome to the group. but sorry to hear about your mums diagnoses.
Thats the million dollar question, how long do we have? Some people want to know the answer to this and the oncologist can give you a rough idea. But many people have outlived their timescale by several years, and then they wish they hadn't asked because they feel like they have wasted their time worrying their time was coming to an end. Does your mum want to know? Because thats another responsibiliy if you find out, but she doesn't want to know.
Talking about the funeral is difficult, but you are right, it needs to be done so that you can plan everything for her. You may find that once the topic has been mentioned, your mum will open up. It's how you broach the subject in the first place. With my Dad, I had a song playing, and I said " I would like this at my funeral" which then started the conversation with what he wants. For myself, I try and talk to my other half about my funeral, and life after I've gone, but he's the one that wont talk about it, He tells me I'm not going anywhere, which of course we know is not true. So maybe your mum is worrying about talking about it with you, as she doesn't want to upset you.
The good news is we are soon coming out of shielding, so you can get on with spending time with your mum and crossing those things off of her bucket list.
I have seen that you have also joined the family-and-friends-forum which is a very supportive group for people caring for loved ones with cancer. You can also call the freephone support line on 0808 808 00 00 which is open 7 days a week from 8am til 8pm.
Good luck to your mum starting her treatment.
Take care
