Hi, I'm Gary and I've been looking after my friend for the past three years who is now in the final stages of lung cancer. He's had all the treatments and is now close to the end of his life and I am out of my depth.
1) I'm in fear of what is going to happen in the end, he is increasingly having more pain, his breathing is getting more difficult and he can now feel fluid in his lungs which is causing him problems when trying to sleep.
2) I do my best but I'm only good at the physical needs like cooking, cleaning, keeping his medication in check, giving him his medication etc. He craves conversation which I'm no good at and which makes him angry. I never know what to say, I'm too reticent, it's difficult for me to even talk about what has happened in my day at work, I forget thing easily.
Any help and advice would be appreciated.
Hi Gary and welcome to the online community, but sorry you find yourself here. Caring for someone with cancer is not easy, and your friend is lucky to have you caring for him. It sounds like you have been doing a great job caring for him. It is hard sometimes to strike up a conversation, and during this lockdown it has been even harder because after all what are we doing to talk about? every day is the same. Even my partner who is working, when I ask him how his day was, he always says "same old same old"
Just an idea, and I don't know if it will work for you, but maybe take a newspaper in with you and read something from the paper to him, that maybe you can talk about. That way its not a personal conversation, but is current with what is happening in the world.
Does your friend have a nurse coming in to him? I think a call to the Macmillan support line might be helpful for you to see what support you can get It is a free call number and they are open 7 days a week from 8am til 8pm on 0808 808 00 00
Caring for someone is a very lonely place. It does help to talk to people, and I am glad you have reached out to the online community for support. We are happy to support you as much as we can here in the lung group, but there also support groups on the community for people like yourself who are caring for people with cancer.
are very supportive groups which you may want to join.
It is hard to take time to care for yourself when you are looking after others, but you have made the first step in reaching out. Please do call the support line, I think you will find it very helpfull.
Take care
