My Dad

Hi,

Not sure where to post this but I just wanted to ask for some help/closure for my Dad's decline.

My Dad was working full time (driving) up until November. He never smoked and was a healthy calm man. He was 74 and hadn't been to the doctors for 10 years!  On Dec 6th 2020 he told my Mum he had been suffering from chest pains for about a month and he was in some pain. He called NHS111 and spent two days in hospital where they did some tests. He needed to have fluid drained from his lungs and it was discovered he had diabetes which he was unaware of. He returned home and for about a week his appetite had gone and he started to feel unwell again, my Mum was helping him with simple tasks from washing him to walking around the house. The results of the tests from the fluid they drained was that he had lung cancer - this was diagnosed on Dec 30th. The name mesothelioma was mentioned.

Due to Covid I never saw them at Christmas as planned but we had a video call on Xmas day. On Jan 5th Dad was taken back into hospital as his breathing was erratic and we visited him on Thursday 7th (ironically my Mum's birthday). We were told they would make him comfortable he wasn't strong enough for an operation and they gathered round his bed to tell him of this. He was on meds and hooked up to all kinds of electrodes, tubes and wires whilst they attempted to get his breathing under control. We couldn't hold a conversation with him and he was drifting in and out of sleep. My Mum and I left that night fearing the worst. To add to this drama my daughter was in labour with his first great grandchild.

On the Friday morning my daughter gave birth and we visited Dad to tell him. As we arrived in the ward the doctor said to us that we wouldn't recognise him. He was sitting up in bed drinking tea!! He had less tubes in and his breathing was normal and the monitor was no longer flashing red and bleeping. Unlike the previous day we could hold a conversation with him and the first thing he asked was if the baby was here yet. Yes we replied and he had become a great grandad. My Mum and I spent the day with him with gown and gloves on as he was better now, we needed him protected and we also couldn't visit him in the future. This was difficult to accept but was positive he was hopefully better. I had a video call with him on Saturday and had to remind him of the date/time as he couldn't operate his mobile on his own and due to him being in his own room he had no clock plus he was resting a lot. My Mum also spoke to him over the next few days and I felt he was making very slow progress although he said he had a little pain and wasn't eating anything solid except ice cream which he mentioned more than once was his favourite. We weren't told he was in danger at all but we also weren't told he was in trouble. I stayed with my Mum over the next few days and on Wednesday 13th Jan we asked what the plan was for Dad because although we knew he was still requiring medical assistance we wanted to know the plan for the next week or so. 

On Thursday morning (14th Jan) my Mum received a call at 7.30am to say Dad had taken a turn for the worst and was unlikely to make it through the day. The person on the phone indicated he may have had a stroke. We rushed up the hospital and were taken to a side room where a matron explained that Dad passed away about 8am from either a brain or heart failure or a clot had formed. My Mum and I went to see him, sat with him and talked with him for two hours before we left with his bag and began the horrible process of ringing round all his relatives and friends. Yesterday we spoke to the medical examiner who say Dad was on a knife edge and anything could have killed him. They say it was lung cancer but a non industrious type which makes sense as Dad only worked with asbestos for 3 years when he left school at 16, some 50 odd years ago.

I'm still left a little confused and have questions.

What exactly did kill him? They say lung cancer but what happened Thursday? We heard brain failure, heart failure, clot. Did it attack his heart?

This was a very aggressive and sudden decline and basically in two months he has gone from working full time to being dead. Yes he said he had chest pains for a month before but nothing else (unless he was keeping it a secret)? This is very very difficult to accept. On Dec 30th confirming to him he has cancer and two weeks later dead.

Does anybody have any idea what he would have gone through the last week or so? I'd hate to think of him in pain and the hospital staff assured us it was quick.

The only positive is that he DID become a great grandad and hasn't got to go through a rough time managing the cancer - the doctor assured us his life wouldn't have been fun. My Mum says she would have coped but I wonder how bad it would have been for him?

I feel angry (not with anybody) but the situation and I feel robbed/cheated out of 20 years I should have had with Dad.