Still waiting on edge

Hi Frazzled

I was wondering how you were getting on. Am sorry to hear that you have had 2 appointments cancelled. That is hard when you are keyed up for them. I hope Monday's MRI goes ok- be good to get it out of the way. 

I was lucky that from my first symptom to surgery was only 4 weeks so other than a couple of days for appointments I didn't actually stop work until the day of my pre op. Try not to feel guilty about work- your health needs to come first and you need this time to be treated and to recover. I was working 40 hours a week and when I stopped it was hard with the change in routine. 

It is good that you are able to pop to the shops, do a bit of housework and taking the dog out. It keeps a bit of a routine and something else to focus on. 

I remember being at the stage you are at where you are still waiting for tests and to find out what treatment is needed. I had good days and bad days. I sometimes you just wake up scared. It is hard but totally understandable.

Good Luck for Monday.

Jane

Thank you.. it's nice to hear its ok..

I know exactly what you mean. It's all scary and a walk I never expected to take. I have a lovely hubby, 2 brilliant kids, daughter 42 and a son 29. We then have custody of our 12 year old grandson (son's little boy, long story). My daughter has been to every appointment I have had but I can't talk to any of them about my cancer. I don't really know what to say. Think I'm still in denial. You work yourself up for the appointments and if they get cancelled you feel deflated. I did the same as you. I read every single thing I could. I needed to know everything for my own sanity. I'm only at Stage1 (last CT scan 9 weeks ago) but that could have changed by the time I see the oncologist. I am terrified of what is to come.  I can't pretend any different.  I sit in front of the consultants and I hear nothing. It's as if they are talking about someone completely unknown to me.  Guess when I realise its me there on about it will be a big bang. Till then I just keep laughing and joking like we always have. Cancer is a bummer and I hate the way it changes your whole life. I always imagined I would live to a grand old age and this thing us taking that away from me. Keep smiling hunni, it dies help x

Yes I agree we feel deflated.. I dont know anything as far as what stage yet we havent gotten that far I just know where it is and size.. I live with my 17 yr old son and my 18 yr old daughter whom has ADHD to the highest spectrum and we dont get along I try all the time but am so tired of walking on eggshells in own home so she doesnt verbally attack me.. this thing as I'm calling it at the moment is scary as ..hugs

Brandie

Aww darling, I get it!  All my gang are telling me how strong I am.  What choice do we have?  I go alone to my appointments and take notes.  It makes me feel like I have a bit of a say.  Hubby is coing to the surgeon appointment and that stresses me out.  He tries bless him… it’s just I’m very matter of fact… tell me details risks etc.  I need details so I can process.  When it’s quiet and it’ 4am then I get scared.  I’m a very early bird and I love my solitude.  That’s the hard part.   Sending love and hugs to you ️

Thanks k66. My biggest problem is I need to know everything , even the stuff you really don't want to hear. Drives my family mad, keep telling me to just leave it and see what is said. I can't do that. I think fear is the worst feeling in the world, and sadly, something that is so hard to overcome. I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone,  it's just a path to the unknown. No one can give you any guarantees and the hardest part to take. Appreciate your reply so much. Sending hugs. Keep smiling  

Hi Frazzled

ive been thinking about you and I wondered if you may benefit by popping into work and meeting some pals for a coffee 

It would get you out of the house and give you chance to be with your friends 

I'm going to do some shopping at work Wednesday and I'll get to see everyone. Hope your doing well.

Now that sounds like the perfect thing to do.

Shop and see your mates 

Arrange to have a catch up out of work.  

Could be something good to focus on 

Aww Bubba12,

that’s a tough one.  I’m like you, tell me everything, including the absolute death warning.  I used to work for a GP surgery so I’m up to par on the terminology.  That can be a blessing and a curse.

Please understand…I am by no means dismissing the fear and heartache of this journey.  You are correct.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone either.

• My stepkids are amazed by my reaction, as I’m just like …ok I’ve got cancer!  What needs to be done.  I personally consider losing my son the worst possible journey I’ve ever been on and am still on I tell myself if I can still live after that, then I will survive this.  You see that like cancer is a club no one asks to join.

I think you are very brave and immensely kind.  Thank you for talking to/with me.

Big hugs xx