Mum diagnosed with incurable cancer ... absolutely heartbroken

Hi All,

I'm new here and looking for any type of support possible. We found out my mum had a Mestatic tumour on her spin in June of this year. We found out last week the primary cancer started in her lungs and spread to her spine. It is now also in her Lymphnodes. My mum is only 63 and she is my absolute best friend. I speak to her everyday and can't imagine my life without her. I can't stop thinking about everything we are going to miss out on together and I am beyond devastated. 

I was wondering if anyone on here has been living with secondary cancer for a while and treatment has been successful in managing it. My mum starts Chemotherapy on Wednesday and I would love to know if there are people out there who have lived for years after diagnosis. I am terrified we lose her soon.

Thank you 

  • Hi MJ88,

    My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer mestasis in Bones in June incurable but TREATABLE.  So far Chemo and immunatherapy have been tough.  There are times when he doesn't get out of his chair and times when he's at work (he's a builder) or he's back in the pub living his normal life. Some weeks are great and you feel like you can breath and some weeks are hard. But it's been 5 months and the Tumour in his lung is shrinking with treatment..he looks better than he did before we got diagnosis.  

    I cried everyday up until a month ago where ima  little stronger...because my dad realy is my hero.  He's only 61 his first grandchild only 2, my little boy and my dads a  very strog tough man. But he's still here and we have no time frame because he's doing well with treatment..he has Chemo planned for a year. (That's just to begin with)

    I feel your fear and stress-its heartbreaking but you will cope and I hope you have great support.  I promise you some days are good ahead ..I was like you 5 month again nothing online showed any hope find hope daily,it tests you. 

    But you will be OK. Sending lots of love to your mum and all of you. 

    Honestly this affects us all. 


  • Hi Dorris, I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to reply. I found it really comforting to hear your dads tumour is shrinking with treatment. That’s amazing news! It’s also good to hear that you are feeling stronger. Your story sounds similar to mine so it’s really nice to read … especially as everything online isn't so hopeful. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t cry, the sense of fear is overwhelming. I hope that I can find the strength from somewhere and pray that my mum will respond well to her chemotherapy too. She will also be getting Immunotherapy. 

    Thanks again and I hope you and your dad continue to feel stronger. Life just feels so cruel at times xxx

  • Hi MJ88 I am sorry to hear about your mums diagnoses. It is heart breaking when a loved one receives a cancer diagnoses. My cancer is secondary. It started in my womb, and then came back 5 years later in my lungs. I was told I was incurable, but treatable, and 6 years later I am still stable. You can read my journey by clicking on my profile picture which will take you to my profile.

    It is great to hear your mum can have immunotherapy. There are a few people who have had immunotherapy in the group, and have finished their treatment and are still stable. Not everyone is suitable for immunotherapy, so it is good that your mum can have it. 

    It is so easy to google everything these days, but  the internet is very outdated. Please remember that lung cancer treatments have come such a long way in recent years, especially with immunotherapy being used alongside chemotherapy. 

    I hope your mums treatment goes well for her. Take care x 


    Community Champion
    Try to be a rainbow,in somebody else's cloud
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  • Hi Chelle, I really appreciate your reply. I am so sorry to hear about the journey you have been on but glad to hear you’re still stable. You’re right about the internet. I’ve been causing myself panic attacks by reading too much so I’m now scared to google anything. I am so eager to know that people with secondary cancer are still stable years after diagnosis as this helps give me hope that I’ll have my mum with me for years to come. So thank you for sharing your story. It really sounds like treatment has gone a long way and I’m so grateful that they are offering her immunotherapy too. My mum is so positive and I wish I had some of her spirit. She’s an inspiration, which I’m sure you are too, to your girls. So thanks again, and look after yourself xxx

  • Hi MJ88 My Mum is 77 and was still working up until June when we got this news.  She is looking really well considering and is full of hope and that's what counts.  I have read everything there is to read on this - I needed to be prepared so I could help her.  She was totally shocked by this as she looks really well and healthy on the outside.  She had a stroke and this is what brought the Cancer to light. Diagnosed at the end of June.  The lung is the primary (2 tumours) and has spread to lymph at breast bone, liver, a lymph gland in her right shoulder and now her spine.  It has taken over her body so fast and she is so small. My Mum has Small Cell Lung Cancer, she was given 6 weeks to live without Chemo and 1yr with Chemo

    Now for us its fight the battle ahead and head on. She looks as though she has been ok with the Chemo, intravenous on Wednesday and Orally Thursday and Friday.  As she cope very well on Chemo they ended up offering her 6 rounds of Chemo instead of 4. Last one today. After 2 rounds of Chemo they did a  scan it had shrunk it by a 3rd - which is fantastic. There is light at the end of the Tunnel and I now feel that we will get the 1year as minimum.

    They have offered her more Radiotherapy for 5 days consecutively and then they will scan and see how it has coped with the treatment, 

    I am coping well enough, some would say I act a bit un-emotional but inside I could scream.  She can't see this, she needs to know I am strong.  I do feel so helpless at not being able to do anything.  I can only offer that you spend as much time as you can with your Mum and make it count.

    All my love to you and your Mum xx