Anger & estrangements with relatives who are battling cancer

hi  L Bear.  you seam to be handling a tough time well. we all act different to bad medical news. myself i blocked it out at first.  there is always professional people for you to talk to on here.  TC  https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/ask_the_expert/ask-an-information-and-support-adviser-14815781/f/ask-an-information-and-support-adviser/p/addpost    

Estranged and difficult family relations can be tiresome and emotional to deal with. Sounds like you both have some healing to do. It may help you to speak with macmillan staff to get out your worries and frustrations. As for your dad, it may be a case of agree to disagree and remind him he has a beautiful little grandson who you would like to be part of his life. Sounds a bit like your dad is angry with the world and everyone in it... I'd imagine we all have moments like that, but its not good for him to be so negative. Perhaps a picture of Lucas by his bedside with a promise of a a wee boy wanting to visit his papa might spark him up a bit. I don't know, but hopefully your dad realises regardless of the past you are still there wanting and trying to supportive. I wish you well and I'm so sorry you have been made to feel like this xx

Thank you darlo - I have reposted my message under the 'Ask An Expert' section too - any positive, external advice can be a lifeline in troubled times!  Thank you for taking the time to read my post and pointing me in another direction..... Ax

Hi again darlo - have just read your background and wanted to say - I am just sat at my keyboard now & have stopped typing, as I really don't know what to say - but what I am trying to say is that I hope the rest of your journey is as good as it can be for you and that you have a lot of love and support around you and that the relationship you have with all 3 of your daughters is a strong and positive one - all daughters want a father they can put on a pedestal when it comes down to it :-)  Ax

Hi Gsd Rule - thank you for taking the time to read my post and show empathy, when you are going through so much too.  Hopefully the dust will settle and Dad & I will be able to move forward in the best way we both can.

I also wish you well in your onward journey - good you can see the positive where you can - and also hope you have a lot of love and support around you. 

You say you have a dog & I'm sure he/she brings you some comfort too - I got my 1st dog last year - a back/white Blue Roan Cocker Spaniel called Milo, who has just turned 10 months - has been a lot of hard work, but he is certainly a fully-fledged member of the family now!! :-) 

Hi Lbear, my dog has been my saviour, he's a 3 year old German shepherd, taller than me when he stands... He looks the part, and sounds the part, but just a big softy at heart. He's my best friend in the world i and has seen me through many ups and downs. Some people just don't get it, but dogs are just the most loyal and loving family members... And sometimes better than human family members !! So you give milo a cuddle because he will always  listen to your troubles, let you cry into his fur and always be happy to see you and appreciate you. Take care x

Hi L Bear

Do you have a local cancer centre near you? if so you can register and you can get to see a counsellor

to talk to. There is normally a wait but it is good to talk to someone who isn't connected. Hope this helps.

Thanks doubtfull for your reply and I wish you all the best with your ongoing journey.  I am thinking of getting in touch with Macmillan by phone to see if there are any local centres near Dad where he can maybe go and talk to someone - not sure if he would though!  It may benefit me as well to talk to someone and I may look into that option too.  I have also reposted my original intro in the  'Ask An Expert' section - you can but only try...… Ax

the cancer oncoligist at my hospital has a get together every month for cancer patients and carers  i have never bothered but am told about 40 people turn up.  they allso have a xmass lunch. mine is arranged by my cancer nurses.

your welcome. I go see a counsellor every week, think your allowed twelve sessions but my cancer came back so they extended my sessions. My daughter has counselling too. Our cancer centre have days out ie canal boat in chester, garden centres, shopping mill with xmas dinner. They also have therapies like reiki head massages and manicures pedicures. You can also go to men and ladies days  hope everyone is well.