My mum has stage 4 lung cancer

Hiya lalaberlin.

So so sorry you need to be here and for your mum struggling with this disease. The treatment is horrific and does make you look and feel ill, even when you weren't before.

I, along with many others on here have stage 4 lung cancer. I was diagnosed in March 2013. Almost 4 years ago now. I've had a couple of blips upon the way and until December 2016 had been stable for quite some time.

So there are a lot of hurdles to clamber over physically and many emotional scars to deal with, but stay strong and be positive. Who knows what the future holds for any of us. But being there for your mum giving her support when she needs it and space when she doesn't will surely help.

Feel free to ask as many questions as you want and come here for moral support anytime. There will usually be someone along who can help.

Take care.x

Hi

So sorry your Mum and you are having to come to terms with this diagnosis 

I too am stage 4 and incurable like so many others who are on here

At first when you get this news everyone in involved goes into shock mode

I did, my diagnosis was 6 months ago and at first I convinced myself I wouldn't make it past 6 weeks but most of us find that once treatment starts it gives you something positive to focus on

As for chemo you didn't say which regime your Mum was on there are so many different combinations 

Yes all of them will cause some side effects mainly tiredness and feeling sick 

Did your Mum get anti sick meds to bring home I find them very good but if not working well for your Mum ring the chemo number as there are different ones to try plus also discuss other side effects as there is always something to help with these

Try and get your Mum to focus on the positives of having Chemo that once treatment starts it will be doing its job of hopefully shrinking and preventing further spread

Any questions or worries there is always someone around here who can usually help

Hope  everything goes well for your Mum 

Margaret 

Hi Lala and welcome to the club that no-one wants to join. I'm so pleased that the 2 previous replies have been upbeat as is mine - of course cancer is terrible and at the moment stage 4 is not curable but many people are surviving longer and longer and the longer they survive the more chance of better treatments coming along. My beautiful wife was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer over 4 years ago and at the time of diagnosis the cancer had already spread from her lung to a number of lymph nodes and into tissue surrounding her heart. She was given 2-3 months to live and despite the cancer spreading to her  abdomen, pelvis, more lymph nodes, her gall bladder (which was removed) and just in the last few weeks into both her breasts; she is still with us AND despite the above her quality of live has been good. Not everyone will be so charmed but some will fare even better - stay upbeat and be as positive as you can but pls do talk to people about this - it does help. Our son was doing his A levels when Rona was diagnosed and simply would not have been able to cope had we not been totally honest and open about the situation and talked freely about it.

pls feel free to ask more about Rona's treatment, coping strategies etcetc

Take care

xx

Hello there, I am Lee. My wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 NSCLC on December 20th, around the same time. She is a dearly loved 62 year old grandmother of 4 and has tumors in lung, breast, back and liver. 

Like me you have probably spent the first few weeks grieving, i am told this is normal. Then about 3 weeks ago after talking with people on here I resolved to spend the rest of our time together (I am heartened to see evidence of it being more than the 3 months I had convinced myself I was going to get with her) celebrating the 16000 days we have had together and not the 2000 or so we might lose (who could ever know). 

This is what I do to cope - every day I send her an email with 4 or 5 jokes in it called her Daily Smile. I didnt know how she would react but now, if it is late, I am in deep doody. I bought a one day travel insurance policy for myself from comparethemarket and promptly claimed 2-4-1 cinema tickets for a year. We now go once a week and the intensity of the film completely takes the worry away. Not for everyone but I found people asking me and phoning me to find out how she was draining, I created a secret facebook page to share updates with her friends. Eventually she joined the page and now enjoys posting pictures of trips etc for others to see. We have designated Fridays as 3 F's day, Friday Family Feast. We take it in turns in buying the biggest pile of takeaway food I have ever seen and the kids and grandkids come round for a feast, how this makes her smile. 

What I am learning is to keep occupied and to live for the now. Jackie was in great pain but now this is coming more under control and this enables the enjoyment of the now. Happy to talk further whenever you want.

Thank you all so much for your kind and encouraging responses - this has not only made me feel slightly reassured about the situation, but also much stronger. Although the sadness/fear will never go away in this period, its important that I remain positive and supportive of my mother through this hard time, and just take it day by day. 

I’m so sorry to hear this is something you’re all also going through and i’m sending you heaps of love and support. I’m glad to have a platform such as this community to talk to others, this is the first time i’ve spoken to people about my true feelings on the subject as i’ve been finding it hard to fully talk about. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will definitely be using this a lot going forward, as i’m sure I will need it.

Lots of love to you all, sending you a million prayers xxx

brilliant golferlee !!!!!

What a great husband/cheer leader!! I think you have boosted all of us carers into positive, proactive thoughts  it's certainly given me a boost, thank you golferlee,  thanks from my hubby too  

Hi lalaberlin, 

The love you have for your mum is already helping her, just knowing you care gives her the positivity she needs. You'll find there will be good days and bad ones and by learning to ride those waves we get through each day. Our daughter brought us a little plaque at Christmas,  it reads "Don't count the days, make the days count" ❤ sounds like golferlee's creed!!  

You'll always find a friendly listening ear here.

Big hugs & love 

Judy xx 

Hi LaLaBerlin,

Thanks for sharing your mum's prognosis and concerns - I hope you are managing to stay positive and live your life as well. With the initial shock it can be hard to do anything without thinking about lung cancer and timescales. I have recently started doing some normal things I enjoy doing again (we only found out in January that my mum has stage 4 lung cancer) simple things like cooking and going for a run but it has been nice to do and after a few week I've gotten to the stage where mentally I won't let myself feel guilty for doing something which isn't directly related to helping mum. Perhaps you could try to do some small things which don't require too much socialising or 'putting a brave face on it' when you're not ready to talk about it just yet.

It can feel like you're just being strong in front of her to keep her positive so as not to burden her with thinking how this will affect anyone else but when people ask how you're doing it's hard not to get really emotional and I completely understand. I have tried to just keep it factual and positive when explaining it to others as if I think too much about it when I discuss it I end up in tears.

It is really hard to think to the future without knowing how treatment will go and what time you have left with your mum. My family can't help but think of milestones in our lives she may not be here for but as others have said on their replies to you they have survived for many years on their treatments. As a family we have decided to keep it positive and get things ticked off the list that she's always wanted to do but never been able to as yet and as others have said on this forum - don't count the days make the days count. 

My mum's treatment hopefully starts in the next few weeks and I hope your mum's side effects improve with her continuing treatment, if they are really impacting how she feels maybe they can discuss changing the combo of drugs for her or another alternative.

Lots of positivity and love going to everyone who is going through this or who is helping someone else go through it xxx

Hello, 

It seems we are in exactly the same boat as my mum has just been diagnosed with the same  it's heartbreaking and so difficult I can relate to all the feelings you have described. We are yet to start any treatment and I'm also worried about how this will turn out. Please keep us all posted it's got to help for us to talk about our experiences. 

All the best xxx