Depression and cancer

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I was diagnosed with lung cancer in December 2021. 

I have had excellent treatment from the NHS. 6 doses of chemo and 30 radiotherapy, completed in March 2022. Since then I have had three CT scans, and each one showed that the tumour was shrinking. At the last scan, the radiographer and consultant said that there were only small 'specks' showing, and they couldn't discern whether they were scarring, dead cancer cells, or something else.

They stopped short of saying that they weren't cancer, but seemed optimistic. I have my 3 month check next week. It is just an x-ray this time, and fingers crossed that I am still ok.

So, everything looks as if the treatment has been very successful, and I am one of the lucky people. 

But, I am so depressed, and I don't know why. I should be elated that I am still alive and relatively fit. But I can't seem to see many positives in my life, and that makes me feel quite ashamed and ungrateful.

I am 68 years old, and have a lovely wife. I do worry so much about the worst happening to me, and leaving her to cope on her own. We don't have any children or close friends, and I worry about her future alone.

Any comments would be welcomed. 

  • Hi Mike , firstly , good news that your treatments seemed to have worked for you thus far , hope the X-ray goes well … secondly , well done for reaching out about feeling depressed , that’s such a brave thing to admit to … I think it’s perfectly understandable to feel this way , cancer diagnosis and the ensuing treatment is a tough thing to deal with , why would we not get depressed ? Have you spoken to your GP ? Do you know that macmillan offer six free counselling sessions via bupa ? It might be helpful to you to speak with someone not emotionally involved … either way , really glad you’ve put it out there , you are not on your own feeling this way … and anyone coming through cancer would feel exactly the same ….Elly x

  • Thanks for your kind words, Elly. 

    Somehow I feel better for writing my thoughts down, and rereading them. It has been a very tough year.

    Hopefully we will get good news at my next appointment with the consultant, and 2023 will be a more positive year. 

    I will look into the BUPA counselling, thanks. 

    Mike 

  • You are so welcome Mike … I suffer with anxiety and so this diagnosis caused me to become more anxious and depressed…. I found the counselling invaluable, also Maggies were great if you have one …my GP was great too …. But big up yourself Mike . So brave to discuss it ,  x

  • Hi Mike ,first of all I must tell you that you have made me feel better ,because i have virtually the same circumstances ,but also feeling depressed ,i had lung surgery 15 weeks ago ,and they removed the middle nodule ,first follow up x.ray was 1 week after surgery ,they said everything had gone ,and prognosis is good ,i have my next follow up in feb 23 ,scan and then i see the surgeon and consultant ,but i feel as though i have a black cloud hanging over me ,like you i should be elated ,and i should be so happy ,but i just keep thinking whaqt if it comes back ,I dont know how my kids will cope or my husband who is much older than me ,i am 65 ,but i just want to get on with things and not dwell ,but it keeps stopping me in my tracks ,i too now am going to talk to my  GP after reading the reply below

  • Elly, I clicked on the Bupa assessment page and there are no available slots! I tried all the way up to next November as well!

    No good for those of us on borrowed time  (incurables)

  •  , hi love I’m sorry there are no slots.  Is this for the bupa counselling ? I got mine through the macmillan support line . They arranged a phone assessment then my six sessions started about a week later …. X

  • Thanks for that x