Palliative care

Hello Jay190880

I'm so sorry to read your news, it must have been a shock for you all.

If you are not sure what palliative care can offer, and what support is available in your area, I'd suggest phoning the Macmillan helpline in the morning. They should be able to outline what help your mum can get, and how to put this in place. And offer you and your family support too! 

sending you a virtual hug!

xxx Kate

Not sure if this will help, but I read something very recently about palliative care (think it was from a palliative care nurse herself) which explained that palliative care doesn't mean the last few weeks or months caring for someone who is terminally ill, but rather the process of enabling that person to live their weeks or months or perhaps sometimes even longer, with good quality life. Not sure I've explained that properly but I hope you see the gist of what it was I read? In other words, they focus on helping the person to live, not just supporting them as they deteriorate.

I didn't know that - hadn't thought about that before. It seemed a very positive way of thinking about palliative care and I just wanted to share that with you in case it helps. As Puddock says, Macmillan will be able to give you a lot more detail on what palliative care means in general and also what it will involve specifically in your mum's case, as every individual has different needs and will be on a different path. 

Sending you lots of hugs 

My main concern is keeping my mum in her home ( her wishes) where my sister & brother want to put her into a care home against her will.

Can you look into Hospice care? I know hospices are reducing services and facilities these days due to lack of funding, but there is still hospice care available and this could be in your own home or in an actual hospice for respite. I am assuming that your mum isn't at this stage of need yet, but it doesn't hurt to start to research. Hospices are not like care homes. They are generally small homely places that help people make the most of living their life. Care homes, in my experience (and I have worked in a couple) are not designed for this, despite what they advertise in their brochures.

Palliative care, to me, implies someone staying in their own home and receiving appropriate treatment to mitigate pain and any other consequences of the cancer. I personally wouldn't say that a care home is the right place at any stage for your mum, as she will probably be surrounded by a lot of immobile elderly people, many of whom have some form of dementia. 

Stage 4 kidney cancer in itself is not a condition that is going to tolerate care home residency. You don't say how old your mum is but she may be still very active? both mentally and physically. There are people on these forums living pretty well with stage 4 cancers, sometimes two or more concurrently, and with tweaks to things like pain management and fatigue management, are living reasonably full and good quality lives. 

My mum is 74 & of sound mind, she made it clear to the doctors that she would like to stay in her own home & take her last breath in her own home too.