Everything is getting to me

The waiting is the worst by far. Primarily because you have little or no control!  I think than most people on this forum have had, or are having the same emotions on the cancer journey. I dearly hope that you get a date very soon and get the result that you want. Keep fighting and you will get there x

Oh Betsy you are being so harsh with yourself. Of course you will feel so many many emotions on this journey. Not one of us would wish this on anyone. Feelings of why me? Grief for what was from deep concerns of what will be are overwhelming. The ones closest to us obviously will take the brunt of our moods. All my life I like yourself needed to have control of this chaotic life and in this huge challenge I have no control. I also know how vulnerable I am to negative and depressive scenarios hence everyday is a mental battle not to go into the dark caverns of clinical depression again. So how do I cope?. Hard as it may seem I take each day as it comes. I suffer other chronic stuff so dealing with fatigue and often sleep alot, making me feel so guilty I can't walk my very patience border collie puppy...I make up for it on days I can. My hubby is very fit and climbs and walks, his life is amazing and I can't join in with his energy. A strong woman, I now have to deeply rely on him for so much, but strangly it has enhanced our relationship. I have managed each day with grace, now I am at another crossroad. The cancer has moved to my lungs. I am back in that waiting game. But still I sit and try to be thankful I am still here. I was a manic, hardworking mum, but have now become more serene for my own sanity. The biggest thing is to own your cancer, I have bought 3 tshirts with cancer warrior on for my bad days to remind me I am that warrier. Reach out to macmillan. Phone them. I did, I cried they listened. You can cope, because u have to. Laugh and the world laughs too. Find the joy in the silly things. Dig deep, be still and just calm your chaos. I am sending u lots of love and a huge hug...you got this girl,

Thank you so much for your encouragement, compassion and kindness. I try to be positive but sometimes that "hat" slips and I'm at rock bottom again. I really need to accept that I have cancer, and that this tumour is really affecting my day to day life. Took a friend's dog out for a walk, it really tired me out. Thank you for listening. Huge hugs and lots of love back to you xx 

Always here Betsy...on the good days and bad....u need to rant just reach out...hugs sweety

Betsy the waiting for the surgical date is torturous. I was at my very worst then and hated not being in control. I found myself selling loads of things on vinted to try and distract myself! It worked to some extent!