17 days have passed since my last posting, I want to scream cry and swear. If you read my old messages you will have an understanding of why I feel like I am heading towards a breakdown, after seeing another consultant and been but on a short list for an operation to remove my kidney and the attached tumour, I thought things were starting to move how wrong could I of been. Operation booked for the 21/2/24 or if a cancellation comes up sooner according to the consultant. This still meant I was well over the dates given in the patients charter. On Monday this week at 3 in the afternoon I got a call from the hospital a cancellation had come about for Tuesday morning if I wanted it, I took it in a flash, they booked me in to go to the hospital Monday night at 7 pm for fragmin injection was given a letter to come back Tuesday morning at 7 am, went through everything with my family and my young daughter Monday night, I didn’t sleep much through the night with everything going through my head, what if I don’t wake up, what if there are complications, well I needn’t of worried, got there on time my partner dropped me at the doors we decided that was best as we were both very emotional, on entering the SAL unit firstly the nurses were surprised to see me when I told them my name, they said that I was suppose to stay at home and I would be called in if a slot became available for my operation I told them I had been given a letter to come in, well apparently there had been a mix up and I shouldn’t of had that letter given to me, but they decided to book me in and prep me for the operation, we went through all the tests and questions/ answers was tagged up given my gown to put on, at which point a nurse came through and said a consultant needs to talk to you, I was asked to wait in a lounge area were other patients were waiting and been called through for there ops, after 20 mins I was taken to a room and the consultant told me my op was cancelled and I would be going home after 2 hours of waiting it was gut wrenching I just cried, a nurse took me to a room away from everyone and made me a cup of tea whilst I rang my partner to come back for me, the nurses were fantastic they were as up set as me and could believe how I have been treated since been diagnosed back in mid December, my partner came back I cried all the way home it was all just to much for me, on getting home after a short sleep as I was so broken up, we had to ring the hospital appointments line to explain what had happened and to get some answers, well it was at that point we were told the original appointment for the 21/2/24 had been cancelled as I was given one at short notice's and how was they to know that the short notice one would be cancelled, we are now having to call back on Wednesday morning 14/2/24 to find out what’s going to happen because as it turned out the lady who deals with the appointments was on holiday, words fail me I have no faith or believe in the cancer care system any more it’s soul destroying for me and my family, I feel like I am facing a nervous breakdown due to all what’s going on I just cannot say any more I am drained and have nothing but a feeling of emptiness
