Feeling really low.

Hi. 

Radiotherapy finished in June, I'm back at work since middle of August. 

My thyroid cancer journey started in March 2022.

At the moment all treatment is done, will have a PET scan next month to check if the treatment worked.

My oncologist seems to be positive, I don't want to believe it, no results no positivity - in my view.

Last month or so I feel so down.

Then my family see me crying in the middle of the day, and that makes me even more sad. They are worrying. 

Then people at work seem to think the treatment is done - move on with your life, no compassion from most of them.

I blame myself from going back to work too soon, but it's already done so... 

Then I have a little spot on my palate and I'm trying not to think about it, but for someone with cancer is it hard to think it's nothing. It's there for a week or so. 

And then in July my friend died of breast cancer. She was 41. Her funeral was one of the most stressful things I have ever experienced. 

It seems all the feelings I didn't have time for whilst having treatment have come at me now and at vengeance. 

I would like to know how long to wait until speaking to GP, their answer will be antidepressants and I really don't want to go that road, I was on them before and it took me a while to go off them. 

I know people will feel sad but it will pass. 

I hate how much cancer changed me. I was this person that was sniffing flowers when passing next to them, looking at nature, finding little positive things every hour of my life and I was in some shitty situations in the past, and still that didn't break me. 

And now I feel like I will never recover and be happy me. 

Thank you. 

Izzy.