Following on from my dubious PET scan in August, I had an ultrasound yesterday. Still no conclusive results. The x2 lymph glands in question were identifiable but the anomalies are still so small they weren’t viable for a needle biopsy. So we have to wait yet another 2 months. I was due to start a wee job at the end of October but that fell through yesterday. My pension is now practically NIL as I’ve had to draw down on that to survive, I get minimal ESA and now this continued unknown. I feel like my foot is nailed to the floor and I’m going in never decreasing circles. I don’t know if I’m entitled to any other benefits? My partner works so I suspect I’m due nothing apart from what I’m getting now. The depression is setting in, I’m bipolar so susceptible to mood swings which I’ve managed so far through this horrific journey but as of today blue is the colour. I hate how cancer controls everything; it’s the underlying determining factor in every bloody choice I make.
