Glossectomy, neck dissection and RT updates

Isabel03 said:

But maybe as time goes by...

What will be will be. We all have our limits but we all need to feel we have some control. Give him a hug from me. 

Hi Isabel. To be honest Dani has hit the nail on the head. The key to the next stage is  proper pain management. I was on co codomol and morphine. He may want to drive but I know no way could I have driven with the pain. Plus correct nutrition snd hydration is the key to the next few weeks snd into recovery. You may find they end up hospitalising him if he can’t maintain hydration and nutrition. Sometimes we forget the treatments brutal for a reason it’s getting rid of cancer. Maybe you  need to talk to him. I’m not being cruel but it’s not going to get easier it’s a build up. 
but at the end of the days it’s his choice. 
hugs t your  dad and you. 

Hazel xx

Thank you Dani, that's very kind, I will tell him. I so wish he could be here to feel all the support himself.

Thank you Hazel, and yes, it's his choice completely.

Isabel03 said:

. I so wish he could be here to feel all the support himself.

You never know. He might find the wherewithal to dip in some day. And if he does he might be surprised at how much help but little intrusion there is here. 

Not a great update I'm afraid, but I need to get it off my chest. My FiL decided to drive back to his house, 1.5 hours away from Leeds, completely unnecessarily since he has treatment again tomorrow.

He crashed into a stone wall. He is fine and that is the most important thing. Said he doesn't remember what happened. Maybe fell asleep? Given what he is going through with the RT, the pain and the pain killers I guess it's no surprise.

We tried talking him out of this drive, but he will just do whatever he wants to do. He got lucky - he was off the A road, not going too fast. The car is a write off. It could've been so much worse and we're just grateful he is OK and no one else was involved.

I just want to say to anyone who might be going through something like this, please please don't push yourself unnecessarily, ask for help and take it when it's offered to you.

 Tobi Le Great  - this might be relevant for you, hope you're doing as best as possible on your treatment.

Isabel03 said:

Not a great update I'm afraid,

Oh Isabel. So sorry about that. What a stubborn **!!!** 

Im glad he’s ok. Perhaps he realises now that A he is not  immortal and B neither are those around him. 
Hugs. 

Oh dear glad he’s ok sometimes it takes a shock like that for people to realise they arent immortal. Glad no one else was involved aswell our treatment is taxing hence why I said earlier no way could I have driven. Leeds was my cancer centre and it’s bad enough now 5 years down the line driving to St James. 
hope  he had help for rest od his radiotherapy session's. 
It’s ok being stubborn but at what cost you’ve to ask sometimes let’s hope he sees sense the treatments is hard for a reason tell him it’s killing his cancer and to take all the help,that’s on offer. 
hugs to all 

Hazel 

Oh Isabel, there's nothing really I can say that makes any of this better for you or your FIL. Actually what you have said has given me food for thought. Week 3 and by Friday evening I was bed ridden. My lupus is so active I'm unable to even get up for longer than an hour. My lips are bleeding and the pain is not just my mouth but my whole head, ear and shoulder. They have given me morphine but it isn't doing anything. In fact they've given me a whole pharmacy, including the thrush meds and none of it is doing anything. Fortisps make me sick as I'm nauseous constantly too. But this was the main concern that being an AD patient I would get much more severity in side effects and toxicity. I doubt I'll be able to get in for treatment tomorrow but I've also decided I need to speak to my Oncologist first before continuing. As the treatment was delayed considerably they actually said it may not be as effective and hence the reason they refused to do both sides as it would be doing more harm than good. Despite what other people say, no matter how much they are trying to help, it comes down to each and every individual. I cannot ever 'advise' as your FIL is just as unique as you or I. Everybody's path is their own, everybody's body is their own, everybody's breaking point is their own, everybody's diagnosis and response to treatment is their own and everybody's mental health and how they 'deal' with a situation is their own.All I would say is no matter how hard it is just have patience. Some people don't necessarily think they're immortal, it's just they think they have to be strong and cope on their own so as not to burden those around them they care about. Just keep being there for him as you have no idea what a wonderful thing you are already doing. Sending much love and strength as you will weather the storm and this will pass eventually xx

Oh Isabel! Thank God he is ok and nobody got hurt. Unfortunately being stubborn is not useful at all. He is not a super hero, he needs to accept help as he not only needs to take care of himself but also of the others around him. The accident could have cost him his life and other people's lives too. How is he feeling now? I am fiercely independent and thought I would drive to my treatment everyday as my partner lives 30 miles away...but I quickly surrendered and welcomed his support. No way I could have driven anywhere. 

I hope your FiL is now welcoming the support he can get and is not considering driving....

Take care. 

Best wishes. 

Fab1