Sorry I have not been back with an update but here now.
We managed to get away albeit that it was hard work and not much of an holiday for me as husband was tired and didn't really want to do much and slept through most of the time but we did it somehow and he said he had enjoyed it.
He started his chemo on Friday and seems to be ok at the moment. We managed to get him transferred to our local hospital for the treatment so that we didn't have to travel the long distance especially that I am not allowed to stay with him and can only drop him off and pick him up. We still have to go to the other hospital to see the oncologist and other appointments as they will not see him a the local hospital.
The MacMillan Nurse visited us on Wednesday along with a palliative doctor and they are trying to sort out his pain relief not that he will listen as he has always done his own things where meds are concerned.
It has been a tough few months and although I want the time to be precious that is left we have been struggling with each other and it has been quite toxic at times as he doesn't seem to understand how this affects me to especially with me having to look after my diabetes. I have tried to discuss things with him but he has been quite selfish and my diabetes is it seems is my problem. As you know I don't have any family just a couple of friends. I have confided in my friends when we have had problems but feel that I am betraying him by doing so. I have also had a counsellor but they have not given me any advice so muddling along as best I can.
Does anybody have advice on how to cope with a partner going through chemo as I tried to get him to eat and drink yesterday and he said to leave him alone and that I needed to back off and stop getting anxious. He has not had any side effects yet but I suppose it is early days yet. He has a bottle of liquid that is attached to the catheter in his arm but he doesn't know what and how long it is in there for or what it is doing - or that is what he is telling me. He has stopped taking his anti-sickness meds as he said they are giving him stomach ache and he had an ulcer years ago and he didn't want to kick that off and they would stop his chemo if it did!
Any advice appreciated as if he doesn't eat and drink and is going to stay in bed all day surely that is not going to help and generally how to deal with it all.
Many thanks.
Thanks for the update,Gill.
Im so pleased you managed some time away. It’s really sad the toll this takes on everybody. It sounds as if the fight has gone out of your husband. He had the time away and seems to have folded in on himself. Can you phone his team to ask about the drip? Is it chemo? There are some types that are delivered at home over a few days.
I’m finding this hard to say but I might be tempted to let him find his own level and just be there for him. So so sorry
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
