In the thick of it

Hi and Welcome ,Same diagnosis as me i had RT For 6 weeks 30 sessions in all and 6 chemo .I started to struggle with swallowing and pain after about 2 weeks .Is he on oramorph liquid morphine or Zomorph morphine capsules or both .I was taking both plus off the shelf painkillers and it helped but it made the pain bearable rather than taking it away .Salt and bicarb mouth wash helped by rinsing and gargalling . im afraid there is not much you can do to help apart from being supportive my wife was often upset because she couldnt help me .Keep your SCN informed of his progress there is a stronger pain killer available but it means being referred by his SCN to GP who can prescribe the drug .My wife worked during it all but she made it clear to her employer that she may have to go home if needed and they were fine about it .

Unfortunately the treatment will probably make life difficult for a while...it will be a tough time for both of you...I always made sure that my wife had time out for recharging her batteries...a few glasses of wine and time with family and friends...a must... Cancer patients can be quite a handful at times.. understandably.

Hi Betty, 

Just reaching out as my partner has just completed his treatment for tonsil cancer. Not the same but similar. It very much feels like the thick of it is still here.

Happy to chat if you ever need someone. I am also a trained psychosomatic coach. 

Its a ride that’s for sure and so support is really important. I’m sorry about your job, that’s hard as you possibly feel like everything is on you! I’m self employed and have had to cut back on work which has a massive financial hit but honestly wouldn’t be possible to do what I’m doing to support him if I worked. 

There’s the friends and family support forum too. 

Sending strength love and space x

10 years ago my ex wife had tongue cancer and had 75% of her tongue removed. It was really hard on me looking after 2 young children and having to work I nearly had a breakdown. 
So when I was diagnosed with base of tongue cancer I knew how hard it would be on my partner so did things differently. I’m 10 days post treatment and I’ve done everything on my own and not let her be involved at all. I’ve attended all appointments on my on and kept her away from everything. Whilst she is obviously working she has been able to continue with life unscathed by this.

I’ve continued working throughout and also worked on my house as that was undergoing renovation at the time, that being said I’ve had the odd day off towards the end of treatment and a couple weeks annual leave taken when chemo was hard. 

I’ve been on both sides of this battle so can see it from both points of view. As the patient though we need to get pain under control and have a positive attitude and try and protect our loved ones as much as we can. It my opinion it’s much harder being the partner than the patient. Take care of yourself 

Hello Betty

That is a really hard situation to be in. I often think it's even tougher on the partner than on the person being treated. My partner was brilliant at keeping me fed, managing my meds & NG tube, helping me do a walk round the block and otherwise just rest - but like me he was recently retired. Your partner will want to sleep a lot so you don't always need to be there. It's best to just take it one day at a time and you will both get through it. I hope your new employer is understanding. Are there other family & friends who could help?  Good luck 

Catriona

Thank you for your reply. He’s taking both versions of morphine now and paracetamol. He’s at the point where he’s unable to swallow and the flem has been affecting his ability to breathe but I think it’s more because he panics. We actually ended up spending a night in A&E which was a terrible experience so I’m just trying to do everything to keep on top of his meds and keep him comfortable at home. 

As anxious as I am to start my new role  I think it will be good for me and my mental health too. His parents are coming to stay over the next few weeks to help out which I’m very thankful for. 

we have our wedding booked for next July so we’re trying to have this as the goal to keep our spirits up. It’s not something I ever thought I’d need to be prepared for in my early 30s but there’s never exactly a good time is there! 

I ended up in hospital for 3 days with Mucositis my temperature  was high and they thought it might be a chest infection they gave me some liquid Carbocisteine which did help clear my chest and throat for a while i also used a nebuliser ,But the mucous was a constant problem for quite a long time and i still am congested especially in a morning .