My wife has just been diagnosed with Tonsil Cancer

Hi Richard and a warm welcome from me.  I am so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis. We have a mix of carers, like you, and patients on here so I am sure you will get all the advice that you ask for.  We are happy to chip in or just listen.  No question is too silly and no emotion has not been expressed on here before.

Rather that overwhelm you right now with advice all I will say is that it is a tough road ahead.  Be prepared to lose a year of your lives to treatment and recovery, but in return you will have many more with a good quality of life ahead.

Do not Google anything.  The information presented is almost always out of date and not helpful.  Ask here

If your boys are like mine they will be shocked at the diagnosis but soon steady down and play a full part in helping their mother through treatment and recovery.

Stay with us and we will have you and your wife's back.

Hi Richard

How self reliant is your wife? I am very but still needed my husband to keep an eye on the medication and feeding list that I set up. He reminded me when meds were due and hooked me up to my feeding pump at night but he gave me space when I needed it. He drove me to all my hospital appointments and he looked after himself in the kitchen which was a godsend. 
It’s a balancing act. Help when needed but back off when that’s needed too 

You also need to look after yourself so get out regularly to catch up with friend for an hour or so. Your wife will likely quite happily sleep while you are out anyway and you can delegate patient sitting to one of your lads. 
If you have a Maggie’s near you they are brilliant support both for patients and carers alike 

It’s a bit of a grind and pretty nasty at times but it’s all doable. I am seven years clear and it’s all a distant memory. 
Stay here for help too. There’s lots of it. Just ask with no question at all silly. 

HI and welcome ,i am the patient and not the carer ,but i know what my wife has been through during and after my treatment ,she feels useless and frustrated that she cant make my symptoms go away and i think this is probably natural .Having said that she has never walked away despite my bad moods and tantrums she has slept downstairs with me when i have been suffering with choking fits she has bent over backwards to try and help me both mentally and physically and has taken on jobs i did around the house as well as still going to work .Although you wont be able to have an effect on the treatment or side effects you can just be there 100percent for her and this wont go unnoticed it certainly has not with me you may have to stop doing things you enjoy for a while but it will be worth it in the end Good Luck .

Hi Richard welcome to the group from me. It's good you have found us, this group is as much for carers as it is the patient, you can ask any questions you have on here, we are all happy to help if we can. This journey has no set rules it's different for all. You will have to take it all day by day, there will be ups and downs along the way, however you will get there in the end, be reassured that these cancers are curable with the treatment giving very high rates of cure, up to 90%. 

Dear Peter

Thank you very much for your reply which has helped me start to understand what this community group is about and where I definitely need to come, for help and support. That is such a tremendous comfort to me already on the start of this journey

The treatment and recovery can be very challenging...partners, family and carers also suffer from watching their loved ones struggle, there will be many lows to start with, no point in trying to dress it up as anything else, but these won't last forever, be patient, try not to get frustrated when things get tough....stay on this forum for sound advice and support.

Avoid Dr Google.

Dear Dani

Thank you so much for taking time to reply The information you have provided has been a great help for myself to prepare for this journey with my wife and my boys. 

I will be staying with this group during and after my journey asking advice and no doubt in years to come passing on advice to others in a similar situation.

Thank you Holidays for your reply. It is valuable to me to know this information as a patient to try and help me understand what you have to go through as the patient. So thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I greatly appreciate it.

Richard

I wish you both well along this journey, important to look after you as well as your wife. I have tonsil cancer to but my treatment is different no two cases are the same I’m sure. Take one day at a time and focus on the here and now and not the what ifs. 

Thank you Old Biker,

I am not much of a one for reaching out, sharing emotions and asking for help. But already with yours and a few other replies I know I have done the right thing for myself but more so for my wife and two boys. 

Thank you.

Richard