Nasopharyngeal cancer

Hi RachelAnn, be proud of both of you. Your partner will need a lot of care and love in the coming weeks. He'll get over it. I did 33 sessions, it's tough but doable. No fighting, seek help here when you need it

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Hi, good evening RachelAnn, I’m Nige, I can share with you some of mine and my wife’s experiences with you - hopefully might give you and your good fella something’s to consider.

I started my treatment in December, completed early this January 5 bouts of chemo and 30 odd sessions of radiotherapy - my journey continues as things have been found on recent petct scan .

Reading your words ring true to what my wife and I have and do experience. Please don’t doubt yourself or your partner, you are each others strength and support. 
Cancer is something that you never get prepared for, never think it’s going to happen - we’ll that was me. Since being diagnosed in October last year I still am coming to terms with it , but my strength comes from my wife who is my rock but I have to be her strength too, because Ellise is going through as much as I am. No doubts it’s the same for you guys. 
We have the ups and downs and fall outs - who else is there for each other - your strength is your bond and when you are both through this, you’ll look back and be proud of yourselves - you did it together.

Accept that there’s no right or wrong way to deal/handle with what’s going on - it’s a minefield of emotions , the odd ones are going to detonate , don’t beat yourselves up - I think a lot of the good folk on here may tell you the same.

you won’t loose each other - you need each other and you have something stronger than this cancer -love, it’s strong and unbreakable , it’s why you hurt and care so much.

apologies for going on a bit , this is a journey you’re on , and there is everyone on here to help you too - anything you’d like to ask /know, please just ask, I am happy to share with you - helping you will help me and my wife too.

all the best, Nige

Hi RachelAnn

So sorry to hear of your partners diagnosis I didnt have the same cancer as him but had a T4 (tonsil )diagnosis,with 2/3 overnight chemos and 35 high radiation sessions ….it was a tough journey ( for a variety of reasons) but definitely doable.

Well done to him for getting through Chemo and well done to you for helping him.

Its awful for the person going through treatment but also really hard on loved ones especially partners… 

I think quite a few of us struggle through this illness both patients and caregivers !

Everyone deals with it in a different way what feels right for one person isn’t necessarily the same for the next person… we are all unique human beings. This is a huge shock to the system for you both and will continue to be for a while. You both need support through this and support can mean different things for different people.

It’s a hard time for you both x

Sending strength and best hopes

Debbie

Hi RachelAnn. It is definitely as tough on the partner as it is for the person going through the treatment. You are bound to have a few 'tiffs' along the way. I know when I was in pain I got a bit 'narky' and wasn't as kind to my husband as I should have been. He had to be patient with me. You will have to be patient too but do call out any behaviour that is really upsetting and explain to your husband how hard it is for you too and that just want to support him. Take yourself away for some time out, have a coffee outside, just a little break. That will help.

Lyn

Hi RachelAnn.

I'm a carer for my partner too and I can resonate with everything other posters have written.

• My H (that's how I refer to him on the threads) was also diagnosed with stage 4 laryngeal cancer last October.  If you like, have a look at my profile which explains his journey thus far.

What I will say is that we've been where you are, inasmuch falling out, being hateful to each other, bitterness and me yelling and throwing tantrums.  Unfortunately for H, he couldn't reciprocate in the yelling department as he had a laryngectomy, leaving him unable to speak.  It didn't stop him showing his displeasure towards me though with fiercely angry looks and storming out, as best as his impaired mobility would allow.  Cancer wreaks havoc on everyone it touches.

But, we're now back to where we were before cancer got its claws in.  No, we're better than before as we refused to let it destroy us and what we have.  We tell each other 'I love you ' all the time, I say it out loud and H mouths it to me.  Nothing can get between us now even though we went through a patch of possibly wanting to top ourselves!  (No way, it was raw anger that threw that ludicrous notion up!)

You can get through this awful time as it's clear you love each other.  Hold on to that, and your fella, as you'll need mutual support like never before.  Don't let this spiteful disease take that away.

Sending you strength and love.

Gill xx 

You are not alone in this.  My husband is on week 8 of recovery from radiation for hpv tonsil cancer and it has been tough.  It is so hard to see your loved one suffer.  I try to take care of myself as well by going for walks and going to lunch with friends.  This forum has been so helpful to me, it's good to know I'm not the only one going through this.  I pray a lot and try to take one day at a time.  Hang in there and use this forum to help get you through, you've got this!!

Hi Gill 

Amazing from the heart ! You’ve hit home so much there - I’m at this moment having my backside blown over my ears here on the south coast , strong winds - I’m wiping away the tears , but as I’m also out with Saffy, she keeps dropping the ball at my feet , on wind our walk and play.

• I’m under no doubts that RachelAnn and her partner will take  so much encouragement from yours and H’s  resolve and strength.

Keep the strength , Nige