Palliative care for mum

I 'm so sorry to read this, life can be so cruel. I really hope your mum can have her wish to be at home for Christmas, with those who love her. Best wishes to your mum, yourself and all her family.

Ray.

fairybear1991 said:

I'm just reaching out for a bit of support really, I know there will be many others who've gone through their own difficult experiences too. xx

Hi fairybear1991 

Your story is heartbreaking and it sounds as if you have been a wonderful daughter for her. 
I lost my mother in law last year to anaplastic thyroid cancer. This is a very aggressive cancer that took her in a matter of a couple of months. She wanted to die at home and that’s what she did, gently and with little pain thanks to family support and excellent round the clock Marie Curie hospice at home. 

If you can get as much help as you can it’s possible. None of us would have had it any other way even though it wasn’t easy. 
I hope you find a way with your mum. 

Thanks Ray. Mum is a very private/reclusive person so she only really has myself and my older sister, plus her younger brother who lives a good few hours away. No friends. But hopefully we can all get some good time together over the next few weeks.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your mother in law, Dani. That must have been so difficult for everyone to go through in just a couple of months. I'm glad she had such good care and support. 

Hello Fairybear

I am so sorry to hear this. My brother also had a very aggressive HNC which spread to his lower pharynx. It was very scary as his situation changed so rapidly. He was also very private which was his wish but I think that made it harder for me. Just felt so helpless. I’d be happy to chat if that helps. X

Hi So sorry to hear this. It’s very difficult for everyone maybe care in hospice could be arranged with a view to her being allowed home for Christmas. It’s a horrid time of year I know from my Dad dying at home on new year eve 1986 it was what he wanted and we did manage it as a family,but now days there are  much better hospice at home options. Really hope you can do what suits everyone as it’s hard on famiky members as well yiu want to make memories with mum.

hugs 

Hazel 

Hi.  I am sorry to hear your story.  It is heartbreaking.

It sounds like you have been supportive of your mum and I am sure she appreciates this.  In supporting your mum you need to make sure you look after yourselves as well.  Often the hospices can offer some sort of outrech service that will enable you to get out for a few hours or sleep soundly overnight knowing your mum is being cared for at home.

You are right that you have to respect your mum's wishes, but at the same time she, and you, need to be safe.  Sometimes a proper hospice bed is the best place to be.

My uncle was adamant that he would not go into a hospice.  In the end he was discharged directly from hospital to a hospice and he confessed that was the best place for him.  He loved the wrap around care he got.  Not just the clinical care but also the compassion and physical/mental wellbeing.  People had time for him.  It was a good place to be.

I really hope your mum can be at home for Christmas.  Making memories, talking and finding peace in those last few weeks is important for all the family.  I am sure that your local hospice will try their very best to support you in this.

Stay with us and we will do what we can to listen to your concerns and support you with pratical advice.  Thinking of you and your mum.

Hi fairybear1991

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum it’s heartbreaking to read your post knowing what you must be going through x

I lost my Dad to a stage 4 aggressive brain tumour and it was horrific.He also wanted to stay at home but sadly became so ill he was taken to our local hospital and after a two week wait we paid for a private ambulance ( due to being told of 7 hr-10 hr wait for hospital one ) transferred to the hospice which was amazing , the atmosphere was so warm and welcoming , the  ensuite room was lovely he had his favourite album playing on loop me or my Mum could stay with him 24hrs a day theDrs and  nurses were able to respond to his needs very quickly. I can’t speak highly enough of what was a very tragic situation made so much easier ( for us all)by the hospice stay.

Maybe speaking with your Mums medical team to have everything in place for the hospice( if they have availability) and are unable to meet her needs in the home. 

It’s a horrible position to be in when you feel so sad and helpless but you are doing everything you can for you Mum and she will know that.

I wish you all a peaceful christmas x

Sending you all a virtual hug

Debbie

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