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Hi Chrissie. Welcome to the group. Sorry to hear about your mum. Recovering from such surgery always takes time so don’t worry about it too much. Just make sure your mum has the nutrition she needs and enough analgesia to keep her comfortable. 
We have a forum member, Peter who is in exactly the same situation as your mum. 
He has had a neck dissection and us doing really well two years later  

He is well and on watch and wait with I think three monthly checks now. I’ll tag him so he should pop on and reply at some stage. I know he is somewhere on an exotic cruise but he might pick up. 
Meanwhile you can click on his name which will take you to his profile which has a good bit of information on his journey 

 PFJTHS 

Dont despair. There is a way through this 

Hi Chrissy. Cant add anything to Dani’s post. But as she says Peters living a good life on 3  monthly check ups. Het  throat will be sore ir can  take  time to regain eating does she have the endure ir fortisip high calorie drinks ? They will help her with recovery get jn touch with g p. How old us your  mum if she doesn’t mind you telling  us ? It’s not unknown for the  cancer ti be so small it burns it’s self away especially head and neck ones. 
Hazel x

Hi thank you for your reply my mum is 52 . Do you know where I can get those drinks from ? She did have them in hospital but I will get some more. X

Hi thank you for your response sorry what is analgesia? X

Pain relief 

ChrissieRav said:

Hi thank you for your response sorry what is analgesia? X

ChrissieRav said:

Do you know where I can get those drinks from ? She did have them in hospital but I will get some more. X

You should get them free on prescription from the hospital or GP

I would start with asking g p to prescribe them. They are quite expensive e I was on 6 a day after my treatment and they are around £8 for 4. You can try smoothies for her add protein in form if nut butters peanut almond etc. or even complan from supermarkets.  Use full fat milk full fat yoghurts Arla do ones with added protein. 
Hazel 

HI Chrissie,

Sorry for the tardy response but I've just got back this afternoon from Brazil.  Your mum sounds similar to myself.  My cancer was diagnosed from a lymph node in my neck.  Subsequent biopsies and the removal of tonsils and the majority of lymph nodes on the side where they found the cancer all came back as noting found.  Like your mum - CUP.  It is not an easy one to get your head around.

I decided after the first lot of surgery in 2019/20 not to have radiotherapy as there was no target to aim for.  Instead I went onto watchful waiting with the knowledge that there was around a 60% chance of the cancer making itself know in my case.  Reviews every 2 months.  They thought that the body had dealt with the cancer naturally.

A year later during a visual review they noticed a tiny lump in my tongue.  The biopsy came back as cancer.  However 6 weeks later (height of Covid wave 2) when I went to have a partial glossectomy there was no sign of the cancer.  Supposition is that the body dealt with it.  Again, I decided not to have radiotherapy.  On both occasions my decision was fully supported by the MDT.

Back onto watchful waiting and I've been told I will remain on that for the rest of my life, just to be safe.  I have had a few scares along the way.  Some driven by my concerns and some by the clinical concerns.  Since 2021 all of those scares have been false alarms, but the often require further surgery to rule out cancer.  The last was 6 weeks before I went on my long journey to Brazil.

Each of us has to weigh up the risks and benefits of our treatment choices.  I will not advocate, but despite my recent scare, I am still very comfortable with having the surgery and nothing else.  Instead I am keeping the Radiotherapy in reserve in case I need that one-time shot later on.

I found recovery from the 2 neck dissections I had quite easy.  The tonsils are a tad more difficult in the early stages.  There can be some residual issues from the dissections, especially around shoulder movement on the side of the dissection.  Like so many things, time is the great healer and I found that after 18 months my shoulder had settled down well.  There will be longer term and permanent issues, but for me these are not life limiting.

I hope, with another week passing since you posted, your Mum is better placed to swallow.  Normally the quick physical healing occurs in the first couple of weeks.  I found eating of solids came back reasonably quicky.

You've not said how old your Mum is.  You do need to consider the quality of her life going forwards.  In my case I would say that I am living a very good life having just cruised from the Tropic of Cancer to the Tropic of Capricorn.  Maybe there is something cathartic about that sequence!  But anyway, I had a fantastic time and ate and drank, exercised and partied which maybe I could not have done in quite such excess if I had made other choices.  As Dani says, there is hope and many of us are here to prove that.

Wow thank you so much , the detail of your reply has over whelmed me. Very insightful  . She is 53 but she is a heavy drinker and smoker …. The drink has been cut (for now ) the smoking has not . 

Hi Chrissie see if she will at least cut the smoking down or try patches at least. As if she does go down the radiation route she will not be in a position throat wise ti do either smoke or drink. I couldn’t even sip water. Hope she takes some notice of you it must be hard on both if you.

hugs Hazel x