Mums terminal throat cancer

Hi Mamma. Welcome to our community 

So sorry you find yourself here. Your situation does sound dire and it’s hardly surprising that you are thinking that your mum should stop fighting and be at peace from the pain. It’s only natural. I know it’s difficult but have you talked to her about what she wants and feels? 
You should be getting support from your GP. I hope that’s the case. 
There is a section here in Macmillan dedicated to people caring for their loved ones who are dying. It’s here. 
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/supporting-someone-with-incurable-cancer-forum

Perhaps it might be a good place to connect with others 

Also  please do give the helpline a ring. The number is st the end of my post. 
I hope you get some help. 
Best wishes 

I want her to fight forever but It’s also unbearable seeing her how she is, she’s so down in herself But she wants to live and is gonna fight until the end. 
I just feel so helpless. I’m really doing my best to support her but it’s quite a lonely place to be for us all too 

Hi Mamma04

I'm so sorry to read your post and what you're all going through.

My father in law, Neri, went through incredibly invasive surgery at 93 years of age as he was told they could remove the tumour and cure him but it was not successful.  He came to live with us and we cared for him until he died.

Despite his age he was always such an active, healthy and independant man and it was heartbreaking to watch his deterioration every day.  Like your mum,  Neri had a PEG and was so weak  he was unable to do anything for himself - he certainly had no quality of life but remained positive throughout believing he would get better.

Your post sounded very similar to what happened with Neri and a few others I've corresponded with.

I do hope you have a contact number for a Macmillan nurse.  We had one at the hospital and I spoke to her every day for advice - she was great.  Also the GP should be able to arrange for extra support for you at home with mobility devices and a district nurse.

Please don't feel helpless.  The care and support you and your family are providing for your mum will mean everything to her.

Linda x 

Hi - I'm truly sorry that you and your mum and family are going through such a hard time. I remember when my dad was having palliative care and we had the MacMillan nurse who was great and the Marie Curie nurse - both were an absolute godsend, especially for my mum, as they'd ask how she was doing as well. Many years ago, we had something similar for my grandparents too I recall, they'd  visit every day. Perhaps reach out to both Macmillan and Marie Curie and see what's available in your area. They're charities very close to mine and many other people's hearts.

Sending you and your family big hugs and a prayer.

Helen x

Hello… we are going through a similar situation with my dad at the minute. He also has terminal cancer of hypopharanx and it’s back in his neck lympnodes. My Dad is having a tracheotomy fitted tomorrow and already has a PEG. 

i can totally relate to what you have written, what quality of life is there? My dad is nil by mouth.. wheelchair bound, can’t do daily tasks like shower and we are now just waiting for him to detoriate even more. We have been told he can’t have immunotherapy due to not having the months to get it into his system. 

i just wanted to ask how your getting on with the care of the tracheotomy? 

im sorry with what you’re going through. 

Luckily (or unluckily in my opinion) I have worked in some form of care setting for the last 14 years so I have had a lot of experience with tracheostomy care so I’ve found it quite ok, mum is managing it really well too. They are honestly not as scary as you think, the best tip I can give you is make sure you spray into the tube a few times a day and make sure the bib is moist all the time especially now the air is hot and dry. 

im really sorry to hear you are also going through the same as us, it’s a really lovely place to be. I wish you and your family strength