Hello. I am to have free flap surgery on May 6th, removing a section of my jaw and rebuilding with bone from a fibula. I would like to hear from someone who has had this done and what effects it had on their appearance etc.

Hi Jo

This is a hard time for you so no wonder it is difficult to move ahead. You need time to grieve. If you can from time to time lose yourself in an activity that you enjoy it might help a little as it is hard for the brain to concentrate on two things at once.

Adjustment takes time. Hold on to the lovely memories that you had with your husband. I'm sure he would want you to live your life to the fullest.given time. 

You are not alone. Your family and friends are there for you as is this forum. With time things will slowly improve for you. At the moment just take one day at a time.

Sending you positive thoughts.

Lyn

xx

That was a lovely, kind reply,  I fully believe all the things you recommend will help me, and thank you so much for reminding me of them.  It is so good to know about this forum.

With love, Jo (Goolden)

Good evening Goolden, i went through the same as you with the new jaw bone showing so i had another skin graft which solved the problem, im still PEG dependant and like you i drool because my tongue and swallowing were affected in previous operations including radio and chemo, i carry flannels with me and just wipe the saliva away even when i drink as i can manage thin liquids but of course, i dribble so the flannel comes out to wipe the excess liquid most people dont notice or comment when i go out, i know how difficult it can be at times but i just take it as part of my life nowadays. I  cannot speak at all but manage to get by writing down messages or using my phone to type messages and the phone says it for me ( text to speech). Also the operation to rebuild my lower jaw changed my facial features quite a bit but most people have accepted the new me albeit it was over 10 years ago and i still go out socializing although i cannot speak i can still listen to conversations. So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear husband, 62 years of marriage is remarkable so congratulations im sure you made many happy memories along the way so i can understand why you are feeling "down" at the moment. You have done the right thing in talking about it all so please do not worry about showing your emotions, it does help by sharing your feelings and asking for help if needed, maybe there are daycare centres you could go and visit and enjoy mixing with other people so you dont feel so alone, maybe your Dr or a Macmillian care centre can point you in the right direction. I wish you all the best for the future, take care. 

                                                     Chris xx

you have been through so much and are obviously a brave and strong person considering your circumstances you are coping so well,it is normal to feel down and helps to talk about how you feel I desperately miss my old life and am trying to move forward with this one.I wish you well and hope things improve for you

sybil

Thank you so much Sybil for your kind encouragement.  We’ve all been through things we never imagined having to go through,  it as you say, sharing how we feel with other people does help. With love, Jo (Goolden)

Dear dear Chris, I’m overawed by your story and your courage.    Not  being  to speak is truly sad, but you seem to meet all your difficulties with such bravery.  I take my hat off to you.  

 I do drink a glass of kefir every morning and in the evening make up a sort of ‘slurry’ of vegetables in an attempt to do something healthy for myself.  However, after a video imaging of my ‘swallow’ I was told that some of it was going down the wrong way and that I might end up with chest infections as a result.  Hey ho!  But I’m going to continue doing what I’ve been doing as it’s the only bit of normality around eating and drinking that I have.

of course I miss my husband terribly, and every now and then I’m ambushed by grief, but that’s something I’ll have to live with.  He was such a fit, healthy, completely lovely man, but the last five years of his life he had Parkinson’s, and was virtually imprisoned in his body, so he wasn’t living the life he wanted.  As you suggest, lots of very happy memories….

Thank you for your reply, and I hope we keep in touch.

with love, Jo (Goolden)