I'm the 'carer' won't say fiance as I feel that's been lost.
My partner has cancer of the larynx, he has had his voice box removed and now breathes through a stoma.
Hello Strugglin, sorry you find yourself here. What stage in teatment/recovery is your partner at? I'm fairly new at it myself as my laryngectomy was only last September but Chris has more experience. I can well imagine that a partner's problems can be every bit as hard as the patient's especially with a stoma and loss of speach to deal with, but I don't currently have a partner so can't get a point of reference. Can understand you feeling alone if you're with a still silent person but can you express why you feel lost and scared?
Metastatic SCC diagnosed 8th October 2013. Modified radical neck dissection November, thirty-five radiotherapy fractions with 2xCisplatin chemo Jan/Feb 2014. Recurrence on larynx diagnosed July 2020 so salvage laryngectomy in September 2020.
Hi Strugglin
How long ago was his op?
It was a few years ago but my first husband had a laryngectomy and was subsequently fitted with a TEP speech valve when the whole idea was in its infancy.
He did very well and we both settled into his new way of life fairly easily. He was a journalist, the loudest voice in the pub and he was back at work full time six months later and resumed his loudest voice in the pub role.
Hang on in there. Modern technology has improved speech no end and with the right support a daily normal life is perfectly achievable.
Best wishes
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
Good evening Strugglin, sorry this has affected you this way , please dont think the worst as i had my voicebox removed in 2008. Im still the same person and have learned to overcome and adapt to a life with no speech. There are ways he can communicate which im sure his speech and language therapist will explain to you both. One is an electrolarynx the second is a speech valve that is very good in producing a voice and many laryngectomees have these, i also have heard of esophageal speech that involves trapping wind ,like a burp and making a voice but i have never seen or heard it in action, so there is always hope for your fiance. The feeling of being lost will gradually disappear and things will get better although you both will have ups and downs along the way. His consultant and the team will be there to help you both so never be scared of asking questions also please keep posting on here or you can chat via private message, by clicking on my name you will see send friend request. I use an app called " type and speak" which can be very useful ,its a bit like the comedian "lost voice guy". Im not sure when your fiance had his laryngectomy but it sounds like early days where it all sound frightening and scary but i can honestly say that things will get better as time goes by , please do not feel alone as we will try our best to help you and your fiance during these testing times , wishing you both all the very best,take care
Chris x
Its sometimes not easy but its worth it !
All you can do is be the punch bag. He won’t mean it. Make time for yourself too even if it means going out for a walk on your own. Clear the air.
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
That's very sad, I feel for you. The way people react psychologically varies so much but it's often those closest who get the worst. Chemo and RT after laryngectomy sounds a very tough regime though, I had the first two in 2014 and the laryngectomy last year so can kind of understand his anger. I had a very different experience in that my wife was terrified while I tried to make light of everything, it caused some conflict because she hated my "relaxed" attitude. As Dani says be the punchbag if you need to, it's horrible but it'll pass.
Metastatic SCC diagnosed 8th October 2013. Modified radical neck dissection November, thirty-five radiotherapy fractions with 2xCisplatin chemo Jan/Feb 2014. Recurrence on larynx diagnosed July 2020 so salvage laryngectomy in September 2020.
