I'm struggling with my dads diagnosis

Be proud of yourself that you’re trying to look after your dad and he’s bound to feel snappy as he probably feels so lousy, you need the patience of a saint but you can’t do it all yourself , is there any other family member who can help? I know that some people have carers or maybe you could get advice from the Macmillan nurses or District Nursing team.  Hang on in there, maybe explain to your dad how you feel.  What a hard situation for you but try and get some help if possible. 

Hi Amy. I see you posted this in the “new to the community” section a week ago where I replied. I’m glad you have found us here where you are likely to get more help. I am so sorry for the situation you find yourselves in. Are you getting help from your GP and the practice district nurses. 
Have you tried to speak to the Macmillan team on the hotline as I suggested? 
Have things improved since your last visit here? 

Hi Amy Welcome to our small community so sorry  you find yourself in this difficult place. Had your dad been allocated a dedicated  Macmillan nurse or cancer nurse ? maybe you could give them a call. The pressures on both of you will be immense I was awful to my husband while   I was in treatment. You don’t mention his many treatment s your dad has left maybe after treatment you could have him at home with you. Or is there any other family member who could step in and help ?Fo you have a district nurse calling in at all ? 

Hazel

Hello thanks for the reply its taken me a minute to work this website out I lost my old post but then found it again and found your link to post in this bit thank you..not much has improved to be honest I'm stressed and bitter to everyone around me living a normal life its awful.

My dad probably has got a Macmillan nurse at the hospital but with covid I cant travel with him and he can't really talk so I cant even ask him my dads last treatment date is 17th February the tracheostomy is a massive deal he doesn't like being alone with him having this but that isn't up for review till 9th March and that seems a million miles away right now im trying im really trying and I feel so selfish for saying it but I miss my home and my normal life and day to day..I want him to be ok so we can all get some normality back.

Hi Amy

I'm so sorry you're in this situation - it's an enormous amount to cope with.

Your dad should have a telephone number for his clinical/Macmillan nurse at the hospital.  I would suggest you give them a ring for some advice and support, especially as you can't go to your dad's appts with him.  They will also be able to update you with what's happening as your dad is unable to relay that information easily at the moment.

It's quite understandable that your dad's snappy with you just now.  I'm sure he doesn't really mean to be that way but he's going through a lot emotionally and physically and unfortunately you're first in line to receive the brunt of his feelings.

It's also quite normal for people to lose weight when undergoing treatment for head and neck cancer.  However, if your dad can't keep the food down you must contact his clinical nurse.  It might be that they will change the food or prescribe something to control the sickness.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  Of course you miss your home and way of life with your children and you've taken on a huge responsibility at a very difficult time.   There will be an end to all the chaos eventually but in the meantime you have to take one day at  a time.  Do try to speak to someone whether it be a family member/friend/ Macmillan/GP for some advice and support for yourself.  And of course there will always be people on the forum who know exactly what you're going through as a carer for someone with head and neck cancer or as someone who's had it so please don't hesitate to seek advice. 

Take care of yourself Amy.

Linda x

Amy, Linda's advice to take this one day at a time knowing you'll get through is good advice. Resentment at other people's normal lives is something every newly diagnosed cancer sufferer is all too familiar with but as a carer it's monumentally worse as you are suffering for yourself and your Dad and your family. It is hugely hard to put this aside. 

Please don't take this all on yourself

I'm tagging Acornette who was in a similar position and posted just a couple of days ago with an update. Maybe she can give you some support from her perspective.

 Is there any way you can contact your Dad's Macmillan nurse or his Clinical Nurse Specialist to ask if you can go with him to his appointments. Certainly at my clinics carers are allowed if the patient can't cope on their own. Exceptions are allowed.

Take care xx