Neebee

Hi Debbish and welcome to the community. It’s a fine line you are treading as a carer. Carers get little support while the main focus is on the patient. Tell us a little more about where your husband is in his treatment. It’s a painful process and sometimes all you feel like doing is hiding away and not being interfered with so in that respect it can feel like caring too much. 
It can help to sit down and actually discuss what each if you need but that is so difficult in the acute phase of treatment when there is so much discomfort physical and mental. 
There us an excellent article about life after treatment by Dr Peter Harvey that is worth reading 

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

There is a forum member RadioactiveRaz who has written a blog and there is a post there from her husband John who cared for her. 
Click on her name where she has a link to it in her profile. 
Im sure she’ll be along soon with a comment. 
Looking forward to hearing more from you soon 

Hi Debbish  I am Hazel aka radioactiveraz I am now 30 month post radiotherapy for tonsil cancer with several affected lymph nodes. Blog details below if you go to October 2028 there’s a piece ftom my hubby John giving his perspective. I am not proud to say but I treated him pretty badly he couldn’t do right for doing wrong. Like Dani says we the patients have all the attention snd our other half’s take the full brunt of everything. Let us know where he is In treatment.You’ve taken the first step coming on here we are  a small knit community. Head snd neck cancers are brutal snd out mouth tonsil throat area are vital to everyday living. I still say to John my hubby  just for one day I wish you could feel my mouth don’t get me wrong am 1000 times better than it was. There’s an old saying we always hurt the one you love the one you shouldn’t hurt at all. 
We’ve bern together 44 years married 42 snd these last 2.5 years since diagnosis we’ve had more words than in previous ones added together. But still love each other as much as we ever did. 
shout out if we can help hugs 

Hazel x

Good evening Debbish , this is a hard one as each person is so different, i never liked people fussing around me when i was being treated and during recovery and I don't really talk about it to other people unless they ask. Friction does occur especially with my mother in law, doing " not enough" does not apply in many cases as its normally " doing too much ". It's true that we patients can be a bit snappy or hurtful especially if the treatment or surgery is painful or uncomfortable and is just done out of frustration. Please do not take it too heart as he can't help his actions sometimes, but don't let him be rude or start ordering you around. Maybe you could take a step back and see how it goes, either way, you are doing a hard job caring for him which he will be grateful for in the end and you will be joking about it all. My wife is a professional carer and does go a bit OTT . Try not to worry as I'm sure it will all work out for the best, thanks for posting this as it is may help others who are feeling the same. Wishing your husband and yourself all the very best, take care.

                                                                                                                            Chris x