Husband is always worried

It's difficult but things do get better as time passes, reviews are always a worry, as are aches and pains that surface. A lot of people do not like to be reminded of the tough times they have been through, hence the unwillingness to talk, different patients handle the issues in different ways. Our local football team (professional) has a cancer support group where patients past and present can let off steam and discuss issues. Maybe something similar in your area would benefit your husband. Normality takes a little time as we all bear the treatment scars, mental and physical, but it does eventually happen.

I can relate to how he feels, having cancer and the treatment does really knock you off your feet, and I know for me it was a massive knock to my self confidence. i did worry a lot about it returning, any type of sore in my mouth or throat, I would go into panic mode. I am now seven and a half years post treatment, so this worry has decreased over this time, and I now know what the new normal is. Hopefully this will be the same for your husband. The Swallows is a really good HANC charity this is their number 24/7 Support Line: 07504 725 059, where he can speak to someone.

Ray.

1. Hello fellow wife, I feel for you. My husband is now 18+ wks post treatment (30rounds RT/2rounds CT).So far all his PETscans have been coming back clear and his last physical examination shown no evidence of the disease,at this moment we can only trust in our medical team and hope 'for the best'. My husbands diagnosis was a little different to your husbands by the looks of it,however, my husband is also worried about will it come back, it's normal, I do worry about it at times, but for now we are just grateful that the treatment has done it's job and we can start living again.What is normal these days? I guess we have to find a new normal. At first I found it hard to except the change of his looks,his voice, and found myself asking myself Where is my the man I married all these years ago? But soon realised, how selfish, he's still there with me,gone through something life changing. My husband is not talking to people as such about his condition/feelings, but he does talk to me about how he feels We kind of have excepted that 'It is what is',we can't change it, but are optimistic. Keep talking to each other,if you need your own space at times that's fine too. We keep telling ourselves that we may have cancer,but cancer won't have us. Stay positive,stay strong, Hugs Mel x

Hi ChrisB24 

How do you get back to normal? The answer to that is that you never do quite but as time goes on the fears recede an awful lot. The problem your husband has is that he has had a recurrence already and is bound to be on alert.

If he won't accept any counselling then you might just have to leave him to it as much as you can. You can't carry his burden which just increases yours and you can't take his pain. Look after yourself and make some space so that you can go out with friends or meet up with family.

I was on tenterhooks for quite some time after my treatment ended but I kept it to myself. My husband carried me while I needed to be carried but I soon found out I couldn't play the cancer card for long. His attitude was to put a best foot forward and get on with life as there was nothing more neither he nor I could do.

I wish there was an easy answer and I really feel for you

Thanks so much!

Thank you, that’s good advice.

If your husband had cisplatin chemotherapy it can affect moods, chemo fog, maybe something to bring up with oncology?

Morning Micky55, you reminded me,my husband had 2rounds of Cisplatin during his treatment, and for a while my husbands moods seem to have changed from one day to the next, ,depressed, angry even, dark thoughts,I always just thought it was because of the situation he was in, never thought it was a side effect,we got made aware about some, this one they left out. But as I mentioned,we were able to talk about things, and as time went by and he started to get better ,his mood changed to the better. I guess talking helped in our situation. He's doing a lot better,that much he's gone back to work for the first time today, half day and light duties. So proud of him. All the best for all you guys and girls starting this journey,or already on it, be strong and stay positive. Mel x