Sad

Hang on in there - I remember that time it is so very hard. I’m sure your family will understand if you let your smile slip - it’s a very difficult time. I’m a year on from you and it does get better. I felt a burden when I was ill but my sisters stood by me and my bonds with them are stronger than ever. So something good came out of it in the end. 
Rant whenever you need to - I’m sure everyone on this forum will totally get it xxx

Ps I had macmillan counselling from Bupa - it’s free for 4-6 sessions - I found it so useful. Worth a try ? 

Hi crying fine then pick your sejf uo up and try not to plan too far in aadvance . Our daughter in my first Christmas 3.5 months post treatment booked a restaurant. I knew I couldn’t go a few weeks before so got stuff in just in case . We had pre warned the restaurant that I was in recovery. So  2 weeks before I said everyone come to he Christmas Eve we did a Buffett and we cancelled the dinner out for me and hubby. We did a posh  Sunday dinner  ( played around with food on plate but Christmas pudding was fine ) saw our grandson in the morning and the pressure was off me. Saying that week 8 I did fly ti Spain armed with a suitcase if ensure.   The trip did me good but still took 6 months to eat out. 

you’ll get there 

hugs Hazel 

Thank you for replying. I do  feel like a burden, but all the people I love don't treat me like one. I know that I just have to get on with it. I'll try the counselling x

Beepa said:

I told myself that I would make the most of every day, because to do otherwise would be wasting time worrying about what might never happen, but it doesn't seem to be working out that way.

It is so natural and perfectly ok to feel this way. Be kind to yourself and let the sorrow wash over you. You don’t have to put your head down and get on with it. Some of us just can’t shrug off the mental pain like that. Counselling may help so do try it. It might help you find that inner spark of mental recovery. 

Beepa said:

My sister just spoke to me about Christmas and I realised that I simply haven't got the capacity to make plans.

If your sisters plans include you I suggest you tell her to do just that but everything depends on how you feel at the time. If she is happy with that then things will work out either way

It not fair on you to have to put a  false joy on to please others. You may still need that refuge you and your husband share together. On the other hand you may well be ready. 
Whatever you do will be right if you go with your soul. 
Hugs 

Don’t worry about other people you and your immediate family are all that matters the others fit in around you. You're not a burden, 

hugs Hazel x

Thanks Dani. I'm quite practical in normal life, but not with this. I just have to accept that I need help. And I really hope the counselling will help. I want to start feeling better because I am truly sick of crying!! 

My sister is amazing, she wasn't putting pressure on me, never does, it was more that touching on future plans is beyond me when I feel so worried about scan results and what may follow. She'll always do her best for me. She's my best friend. 

When my mother had cancer, she didn't really rely on any of us emotionally. I was upset about not being allowed to support her more. I appreciated it was her choice and didn't push too hard, but vowed I'd never stop anyone who wanted to help me. But now it's here I don't want to drag them into my sadness and worry. It's just overwhelming at the moment. I will let the sorrow flow, like you say. Bottling it up is not helpful x

Beepa said:

I'm quite practical in normal life, but not with this.

You’ve hit the nail on the head there. You have no control. I think it’s worse for us sensitive souls. I weathered the death of my first husband who had no life insurance, a mortgage on a business, bringing up my then 11 year old daughter while fighting to keep the business alive and a roof over our heads but my own cancer poleaxed me. I spent a lot of time quietly in tears. 
Let us know how the counselling goes. 

Good evening Beepa, please seek help from your GP or consultant and see if you can get professional help from a counselor, we all know what you are going through but sometimes we need that extra bit of help from a professional. I can honestly say that i went through a similar path as you are going and found it helped along with anti-depressants, im now 13 years since my last operation and have enjoyed so many special moments in my life in this period, this is why i say get help so you can get on with enjoying your life again,take care and I hope you can get through this period of your recovery.

                                                                        Chris x

Thanks Chris, I will. I need to.