Scared all the time

Hi Lou9902, why are you scared and angry is there a specific reason or concern, going through radio and chemo is not as bad as what you read on Google , everyone is effected differently by the side affects which are normally a dry mouth, soreness from the radiotherapy and sometimes difficulty to swallow. It sounds as if you need to chat to your husbands consultant or the head nurse in his team as they will gladly help in anyway they can, when i had my encounters with head and neck cancer i was advised to see a councillor and take some ,meds to relax me, i found this to be a great help as you can talk openly with someone about you concerns. Its true you do have to try and be strong and positive as it will help your husband , i know it can be hard but im sure once he starts the radiotherapy you both will realise what is involved and together you will get through it, its not a walk in the park but very doable. Im sure you will get some more advice from the other lovely people on here tomorrow who might be able to offer better advice, hang on in there, all the best two you both ,take care .

                                                                                                 Chris x

Hi Lou 9902 firstly welcome to our small tight  community. Sorry that your hubby’s has orapharangeal cancer and you are scared. Like  Chris says try to speak to one of your hubby’s team. If you can pop some more info on we can maybe try to reassure you. I am 32 month post radiotherapy for tonsil cancer with several affected lymph nodes snd now living my life to the max I was diagnosed T2N2NM h p v 16 plus do you know your hubby’s status ? Cancer treatment is highly targeted and as many of us on here can verify we are alive and kicking. Radiotherapy and chemo is hard I was 61 when diagnosed snd I went through treatment. 
hope this gives you some reassurance sure others will be on in the morning 

Hazel x

Thank you guys for your words of reassurance and comfort. It is more the risk I am to him regarding infection. His WBC was so low post chemo and he ended up having injections to boost them. One of the problems is he was so well before he was diagnosed and also when his WBC was really low and now I don't know when he he is unwell or not as just can't seem to tell.  

Hi again Lou , i dont really know much about the blood cells although i needed two blood transfusions during my treatment. The risk of you you infecting him should be very low especially if it just you two, the oncology team will keep an eye out for any problems along with his consultant, i know its worrying times but he will get the best treatment available ,you can always phone up the head and neck clinic if you are worried. Hopefully he will be like me and not have any bad side effects , take care .

                                                                  Chris x                

Hello Lou, sorry you find yourself here but welcome. Have you both had your first Covid jabs? I know it’s not the only infection worry but I certainly felt a lot more relaxed once my household had had theirs. 
Do you have a Maggie’s centre near to you? They have trained counsellors available and at the one near me they have continued seeing people face to face throughout lockdown. You can talk to someone by phone if you don’t feel comfortable with that. There is also a MacMillan support line, I haven’t used this personally but I think they give emotional as well as practical support. I think it’s absolutely normal to feel sad, scared and angry and being told to stay positive by well meaning friends just made it worse for me. Being able to say the unsayable and have a jolly good cry to someone unconnected with my situation was enormously therapeutic, both as a carer and a patient. I know that some people find short term anti depressants useful and maybe your first step could be to contact your GP. I’ll be honest, you have a long road ahead and it will be tough but there is plenty of support available if you know where to find it and we are all here to point you in the right direction, share our top tips and cheer you both on. You will get there xx

Hi Lou9902

Sorry for your hubby's diagnosis. It is always a shock when this comes out of the blue. We know it is difficult for our partners too when we go through cancer.  I and I am referring about myself am a terrible worrier.  Words like be positive and stay strong do not help me.   Talking through our worries is a good thing. I know at the mo with the covid it has made things so much more difficult. The physical presence of a trusted person to offload is so invaluable and greatly missed.  Hopefully things on this front will get better and with safe measures in place can meet with friends. A walk and talk is good when we feel safer with the roll out of vaccines.  I also had low white blood count too, I think it was due to my cancer treatment. At least the covid has made us more aware how to protect ourselves and others.

I would seek available resources as Chris posted to chat about  your worries.  They see people go this all the time and will give you the advice which will hopefully give you more reassurance. We know our partners go through this with us and importantly they need to be supported too.  Just by joining this group will help and will be an extra resource for you.

best wishes 

Nicky

Thank you all so much for replying. \it is good to hear so many positive stories and also the reality of it all. 3 out of 4 of us have had the first covid vaccine as my youngest is not eligible. I do not think I have a Maggi centre but do have a WHY centre. 

I am a great worrier and when hubby first had a lump I really did not think it was anything. I reassured my children and then before i knew it, there was a cancer book in my house. 

I am angry at myself for not knowing. (Nurse)

I am angry at having to prove to work and the WPS that he has cancer.

I an angry at all the forms we have to fill in.

I am angry at people saying 'at least' and' it could be worse!,

I am angry that there is a possibility there is a tumour in his prostrate that cannot be biopsied until this is over.

I am angry that we will not know until September if the treatment has worked.

I am angry that the man I love is going through this hell and I cannot help him other than cook and clean etc.

Hi Lou

All your reasons for feeling angry are perfectly normal under the circumstances.  The shock and not knowing what to expect turns your world into turmoil.

Please don't be angry at yourself for not knowing the lump was cancer.  Your husband did absolutely the right thing in getting it checked out and no-one would be able to make a diagnosis without all the relevant checks being made.

Unfortunately people make unhelpful comments because they don't know what to say and think it's the right thing.  There was a discussion on here recently where people were venting their anger/frustration at comments they've received.

Yes, there are a lot of forms to fill complete and not what you want to be doing when you've more important things on your mind.  What's the WPS?  I know some people have received help with form filling etc through MacMillan and also Citizens Advice.

You and your children will be a huge help to your husband through your love and support and doing all those other things that he won't have to worry about.  If you're able to please do also enlist the help of friends and relatives where possible.

You may be interested in contacting Bobby1966 who posted on the forum a month ago who is now 5 years out of treatment and doing well.

All the very best to you.

Linda x

Hi Lou it’s ok to be angry but don’t let it consume you. You say only cook and clean my hubby did all that I couldn’t lift a finger he shopped he drove he got all my medication. He did all

my spreadsheets for food and meds he made sure I drank he did my n g tube feeds .He made sure I was ok he let me watch crap on tv when there was a g p on or whatever to use words I don’t use hecwas and still is my Rock. He likes spicy food  but now I can’t eat it does he moan no I nap every day does he moan no. You will be the same. 
As for not knowing what it was I’ve a friend via cancer forum also a nurse she didn’t know what’s it was and  it was her that had the cancer don’t waste energy thinking  about it. 
treatment and recovery is hard so concentrate on that 

hugs Hazel x

Hi Lou9902

It is good you are able to say the things that are making you angry.  Hopefully by sharing this will have made you feel a little better.  Our emotions do run high, when we get overwhelmed, it is so normal and understandable.  I hope you find support to see you through this time to make things easier.

Best wishes

Nicky