Pain management

FormerMember over 4 years ago

4 replies
84 subscribers
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I'm after help with how to get help for my mother, who is 83, lives alone, but is not managing her pain very well. She also forgets what she has taken and when I advise her, it causes friction between us. I hate seeing her in pain and so distressed.. she has, in the last month, been diagnosed with non-curative Cancer, with secondary tumors in her neck lymph nodes and lungs. The biopsy couldn't confirm a primary. At the moment all she does is sleep.. and she's saying she doesn't want any treatment. The doctor has not given her a prognosis, which is leaving me on tender hooks...but they say she could take a turn for the worse very quickly...so when a new symptom arrives, I don't know what to do or think.

Beesuit over 4 years ago

Hi Gingerhomer. So sorry you've both found yourselves in such a predicament.

You need to get her GP and District Nurse involved. It might be an idea to approach your GP re hospice care as well, but having said that you really need to consider what you mother wants. Has she given up because she is in pain or is there another reason?

Please give the Macmillan hotline a ring too. They are available 7 days a week between 8am and 8pm. There will be somebody there to give you help and advice. the number is 0808 808 00 00

Best wishes

Dani

Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

I BLOGGED MY TREATMENT

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to Beesuit

Thanks for your reply..

I managed to talk to mum's palliative nurse and she advised I talk with the district nurse too. Currently on hold. GP not called back yet.

Mum feels at 83, she's had a good life and doesn't want to be 'bothered' with all the fuss..back and forth the hospital, it's exhausting for her...just let it take it's course.

PFJTHS over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi Gingerhomer

I do know how you are feeling as I went through that with my mother and now with my uncle (both as the primary carer). Sometimes it is so difficult to understand their wishes, which at their stage in life may be very different to what we would wish for ourselves. I hope you can find it in yourself to support her choices, difficult as they may be.

It is going to be essential for her to continue to take her pain relief to ensure that her quality of life is as good as it can be. Your GP and DN will be key to achieving that.

I would totally agree with Beesuit regarding the hospice. They are truly wonderful places that care deeply for the people there. My uncle is currently in one and does have a good quality of life despite slipping slowly downhill. Not always do you "go to a hospice" - my mother had "hospice at home" for much of her time and that took a great weight off my shoulders knowing that she was well cared for when I could not be there.

Good luck and remember this forum is here to help you, and in return your personal experience may help someone else in due course.

Peter

See my profile for more details of my convoluted journey

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to PFJTHS

Thanks Peter, I absolutely support her decision but as you have said, it might not be what we would want for them or ourselves but it's her decision and I stand by her on that.

I just hope the DN can see and give her the help she needs.

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