Worried again

markmac said:

Someone please I need advice.

Difficult one. If it was smoking then his GP could help as there are well tried protocols to help people quit. 
The drinking is another matter. He obviously enjoys the hit. He knows the risks. Maybe he will get away with it. That’s what he’s counting on. 

markmac said:

Or do I just keep my mouth shut.

Yes, I’m afraid so. Learn to live with the fear. You have a life to lead. Keep busy and try not to make it all about him. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but that’s the reality of it. 

Good evening Markmac, i know its hard as i used to smoke and drink  but managed to stop smoking with the help of my Dr who at the time put me on a course of tablets that worked like the nicotene patches, i never smoked again especially after my first operation in 2008 i also cut back on my drinking by 80% they gave me tablets while i was in hospital in case i had withdrawl symptoms. Nowadays i now have a drink for pleasure rather than out of habit, i would strongly advise not to drink spirits. Sometimes its best not to keep " nagging" as it can make matters worse but just keep an eye on him a make sure he does not slip into his bad habits as it took three operations to stop my cancers. Wishing you all the best ,take care.

                                                                      Chris x

Hi. Sadly you can’t do a great deal. He knows the consequences like Dani says he may get away with if. The cigars in my thoughts he needs to stop those as one will lead to another etc.  see if g p can help with patches. Have you thought about suggesting alcohol free beer / lager or even Guinness.  But at the end of the day it’s his choice It harsh but you’ve a life to live as well. 
hugs 

Hazel x

Hi Markmac. Like the others say it is up to your husband. He knows the risks and it is his decision. I used to worry about my husband who is a diabetic although he has not had cancer. He is very unruly in relation to his diet and drinks alcohol. I used to nag him about it and present healthy meals but he would still cheat and eat whatever he fancied.He said life would not be worth living if he was strict with his diet.  In the end I decided that it was his life, he knew the risks and it was up to him and so I stopped the nagging. He is now 76 and has been a diabetic from his 40's. Life was a lot happier when I stopped nagging him and now I turn a blind eye and what will be will be. 

It's hard to do but you have to let your husband take responsibility for himself.

Lyn

He needs to understand the risks and take control, I liked a few beers/whiskies and a ciggy but giving them up was a small price to pay, alcohol free ale is OK, might not have the same kick but I really enjoy it, tobacco products are dangerous not only to our own wellbeing but to those around us...giving up is a win-win for all.

It's not nagging, it's common sense

markmac said:

 He says he fears cancer will come back. He says he never wants to go thru treatment again.

You could try a different tack. He won't have to endure the treatment again. If the cancer pops up again in his throat it will kill him, gruesomely and painfully, If somewhere else he has a very slight chance that immunotherapy may stay the disease for a little while.

It really is awful for you. I know how you have suffered for him and continue to do so. Maybe he can see this thread. Maybe having it all in black white and green might knock some sense into him. Maybe he might realise that there are two lives in peril. 

Good post Dani, and I think markmac should show hubby this thread.

I'll add that my OH can never smoke or drink again; the stoma in his neck has put paid to his former habit forever.  And it's not nagging - I call it caring, stressing and worrying for both concerned.

Good luck markmac xxx

Why are you saying next time it will kill him if it shows up second time?  

He wint do alcohol free beer he wants to feel the calmness and the buzz of the alcohol. He hates what this world has become and he needs an outlet. I’ve talked til I am blue in the face w so many tears and depression from all the worry. I’m overly exhausted and will be the one who ends up dying first. It’s too much. 

markmac said:

Why are you saying next time it will kill him if it shows up second time?  

Because the chances are any salvage surgery will either be ineffective or considerably life changing

Perhaps I shouldn't have been quite so aggressive in my reply. I have lost two dear forum friends recently. Both have succumbed to cancer recurrence. It’s been a hard battle for them to stay alive as long as they did.