Hi all terrified to even be joining this group. My beautiful partner is 59 and last year I encouraged him to go to Gp due to heartburn. Dr prescribed Lanzoprazole and referred for endoscopy. Never heard anything back from that and assumed it was fine. Fast forward 16 months and he went for an over 55 check lung cancer CT which showed all clear but they did send a letter to say they found what they thought was a fatty lump in the oesophagus and they wanted him to come for an endoscopy. It’s all happened so fast he went for the endoscopy 3 days after the letter arrived and they are treating him under the 2 WW saying that it was due to an incidental finding. I was terrified waiting for him coming out but he came out unworried and I felt a weight was lifted, he said consultant had a good look around confirmed the tumour and got another consultant to come look. They both reassured him it looked 99percent fine and that there was no tumour on the previous endoscopy last year. They said he may need further investigation and a follow up call. This happened Wednesday gone, it was a different gastro consultant who called and asked what he understood, he told her the drs had said almost 99 percent sure it was fine. She said hmmm but there’s still that chance so has referred for full body CT and further endoscopy with biopsy. She then said we compared it to your previous endoscopy and it was there then but it hasn’t grown but it is very large hence the need for further investigation, the consultants the week before said nothing was there. I asked at this point would you tell us if you felt it was most sinister she said yes I would, but she wasn’t convincing and given the conflicting information km feeling little faith. I’m a nurse and know fatty lumps in oesophagus rarely happen. We only met 2 years ago after years of staying alone he’s my soul mate and the only gentle kindness I’ve ever known, selfishly 2 years of having him is not enough. have a 10 year old who worships him and him her. I sound so selfish to be saying this as this is no way about me but I’m bereft, already feel like I’m grieving for him, I’m crying and having anxiety attacks I can’t sleep or eat and feel helpless to support him the way he needs me too, I’m an empathic and gentle nurse and I do get upset about my patients but I’m usually more rational than I’m feeling. It’s just a terror in the pit of my stomach, I go to bed with it and wake with it. Please can anyone shed any light on the differing opinions he may have had and please can anyone advise best how I can control the physical symptoms of anxiety to be his best support and backbone. My heart is heavy for you all having to even be in this forum. Sending love and strength to each of you and your family’s. Thank you kindly claire.
Thank you so much for the kind reply. I’m afraid I got myself in such a state I didn’t log onto the forum for the last few weeks as I just wasn’t coping at the time. I’m still not to some degree. We aren’t no further forward. My partner had a full body Ct 2 weeks gone and today received a letter to go for an MRI. He was intially waiting on an ultrasound endoscopy in another hospital but he’s heard nothing of that as yet. The radiologist who called today just said the next hospital had requested the MRI before they do the next endoscopy by my mind is full of fear like are they telling it as it is or have they found spread? I guess I’m wondering why no one has been in touch post full body CT but now this. Would the consultant have had to ring first to let him know that it’s sinister and he has to go for an MRI as otherwise there has been no communication other than they think it’s a fatty lump in upper GI but it’s 10cm large. These weeks are horrendous. I truly hope things are better for you and your husband and actually to all here. All these stories of these lovely people diagnosed break my heart being on this awful journey. Sending love 
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Hello Claire,
How frustrating and, it seems, cruel, to still have no answers. I guess it's good, though, that the specialists involved are testing to be sure about their diagnosis.
How is your partner? I hope you're able to still do some nice things with your lovely little family, despite your fear and anxiety.
We're doing fine, thank you. Some painful side effects, mainly a very sore mouth, led to a week's delay before Rod's 5th treatment cycle. But he didn't let it get in the way of my birthday weekend in York. Fatigue gets the better of him by mid-afternoon but an hour in bed helps him recharge to see him through the evening.
Fingers 
for some answers soon. Once you know what you're dealing with, things can feel so much better in a weird way.
With love,
Lorraine
