I’m new here and need someone to tell me it will be ok

HI Vanessa

My partner was diagnosed Dec 21 a year later we have done full circle of chemo surgery chemo and hes coming on great again.  Before he was diagnosed I felt a bit like you do, he seemed to be angry everyday and couldnt do anything in the house I couldnt do anything right but once diagnosed and I sat down and explained this to him he didnt realise how bad it was and apologised.  Its a lot to take in so hes probably very angry, maybe you could sit him down alone and have a good chat explain to him what hes doing and how your feeling, if you leave it it may be harder on you.

I hope you can talk it through as you need each other for support right now x

Thank you Samantha, it does help to know that it’s not just me. I have felt awful for being so p@@@ed off with him and I genuinely have cried more about the way he is with me and boys than the original diagnosis- sounds extreme but I feel like our relationship has taken a battering from this and I just don’t know how we will cope when treatment really kicks in

Its very difficult, I found it a bit better when treatment started even though my partner was in bed a lot and I had so much to do he definitely calmed down more and started to the get the attitude of...dont be worrying about things theres more to life than worry and stress... but I would speak to him tell him how your feeling its a hard enough situation without arguing all the time.

Maybe you can find some posts from other caregivers who feel the same and let him read them so he understands a bit better. 

Stay strong it may not seem it but he probably really needs you to hold the family together at the minute x

Hi Vanessa 

My husband has never had patience, can be grouchy anyway. However he became angry it is difficult I have spent many a time in tears. Probably like you I'm doing my upmost and I'm genuinely caring for him. Although if you heard him I'm doing nothing at all. He has done 5 weeks of radiotherapy and chemotherapy last day 13th. I'm taking him every day going to work first then back to work after. I'm working extra hours to make up the time with a manager who seems to be against me. I've felt like I have no one I can talk turn to BUT I'm not the poorly one. I'm not the one who is being sick,, in pain, lethargic, can't sleep and feeling like he won't make it. That makes you feel awful for even feeling any of those things but we are human just human. Sometimes I feel like a superhero but I'm just a woman trying to cope with everything just like you are. Don't shout at me I know your hurting that's what we say but it's not that easy is it. 

I hope things are a little easier now

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

I hope your ok too x 

Hi Vanessa,

Jason has one more radiotherapy session on Monday. It has and still is very hard on him.

How is your husband? Also how are you?

I had a routine health check yesterday as it's a new GP surgery. She asked me about me, that felt weird talking about myself, it all came out, think we need that sometimes.

Let me know if you want to know anything.

Lisa

Hi Lisa, 

things seem to be getting better, less shouting and just generally nicer for the kids. Thankfully after the 1st chemo session there was a massive change in him ie he could actually eat! Cycle 2 was on Monday and so far so good. 
I hope you are doing ok, let me know that your ok x

Hi Vanessa 

That's good to hear, must be harder having children at home as well.

It's got tougher, hope for the best and prepare for the worst as they say.

Forgive me is he having radiotherapy as well? Jason is now able to open his mouth but can't eat. Hes completed 6 chemos and 30 radiotherapy sessions. Apparently it gets harder at least for 3 weeks after treatment. They say it's a build up and he will feel unwell. They weren't wrong, he is in bed all day and night. His mood has worsened, I cant do anything right but I am, he just vents at me. I'm wondering if it will get any better between us, its really pulled us apart.

I do hope things continue to improve for you both. People don't understand us (the partner) I guess they can't unless they have been through it.

Whereabouts do you live? I'm in essex.

Thank you for asking 

Lisa x

Oh Lisa it sounds awful. James is having 4 cycles of FLOT then the big op then another 4 cycles of FLOT to mop up apparently. Praying it all goes ok.

we are in Milton Keynes x 

I can truly say James and I have never been so far apart from each other as we have been since this bloody disease came into our life’s. It’s horrible, I just hope that my husband comes back to me.

take care

x

Ok I see it's very different treatment but it would seem has the same affect on them and us. I know what you mean I'm hoping the same. However Jason had 80% of a brain tumour removed 5 years ago actually on the 9th of February. We went through similar times then and still here. Hoping we can make it again. I feel he looks at me and wonders why its him.

If you ever want to meet up for a coffee and a cry just let me know. 

Sending you a hug x