Haven't posted in a while.
My husband passed away on Wednesday evening 24 June 26. Age 73.
He was diagnosed in Sept/October 2025 and we were told 18 months. We managed 10.
We knew that they couldn't cure his cancer but even so the 6 rounds of chemotherapy never touched it. He started radiotherapy in May and had 3 weeks of intensive radiation. This finished on the 3rd June. By the 7th of June he was in hospital with a broken hip. He didn't fall, he just turned and cried out in pain.
16 days in hospital with variable care. He never ate and hardly drank as he was now suffering from the effects of radiotherapy. This was never addressed.
Cancer was now in his liver, adrenal glands, hip bones and abdominal wall. And of course still in his oesphagus. Ascites and fluid around lungs.
After making a huge fuss over his lack of palliative care, we got him home on Monday night 22nd June.
His wish was to die at home. Horrifying and as scary as it was, I made a promise to him which I was able to keep.
If I could turn back the clock, I would say that none of the treatment in his case was worth it. I wish instead we had visited all the places he wanted to see and that he got to do all the things he wanted. Instead we had 10 months of hospitals appointments... One after the other. No quality of life for 10 months.
I will miss him forever. My heart is broken. My faith in the medical world gone!
snowsie so so sorry to read this, its a conversation that i have had with other sufferers, the what if, and could i do it all again. Although we always tell ourselves life is too short, once you are on the treatment treadmill it just puts you back in that awful place.
Your sad but wise words rings so true, and to grant that final wish, i cant imagine how you did that, but god love you that you did., reach out on here if you need support, to rant, to talk, this is a family we never wanted to join, but my god, its got me through so much when my husband just couldnt deal with the cancer when we just got over my masectomy.
wish there was a way to send a virtual hug, take care, and reach out when you need help,
xx jules
So very sorry for your loss ️
I’m sure you’ll receive lots of support on here when you feel you need it .I don’t come on as often these days but this forum was an absolute God send when I needed it .
I lost my Dad almost two years ago to metastatic cancer .He was willing to take any treatment that could be offered but sadly he passed whilst we were still waiting for some test results .Our only comfort is he passed at home being cared for by the people he loved the most . We were left with a lot of What ifs after he passed too .Shortly afterwards my Mum was diagnosed with Barrett’s oesophagus .How this pans out for her in the future is as of yet unknown .
My husband is three and a half years post chemo /surgery for OC .The treatment has certainly been life changing for him but he now has a quality of life he wouldn’t have had without it .
He endured a five month diagnostic process prior to me having him transferred to another hospital where within 24 hours he received his definitive diagnosis. He was told by his surgeon that he was in a pretty poor state when he arrived at the second hospital and it was only because he was a fit and agile man prior to his illness that he actually came through it all .
I totally understand your lack of faith in the medical world as the whole ordeal at the first hospital has left me with my faith tested to the limit too .I had a meeting with the heads of departments and the ward manager who we’d dealt with at the first hospital .I had an extensive list of What Ifs and Whys. I have yet to receive any logical answers only ‘Lessons have been learned ‘ and ‘We could’ve done better ‘ !
There are no words that can take away your pain and what ifs . but given time you will understand that you did what you thought was for the best , at that time .
Sending hugs to you at this difficult time
J x
