Hi,
My mum was diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer in October 2023. The origin tumour was 4cm and we were told that it spread to her liver and lymph nodes and that her only treatment is chemotherapy to prolong her life. That it’s not cureable. Im heartbroken. I try to stay positive and at every opportunity pray for a miracle but sometimes I feel like it’s hopeless. The worst part is I think my mum thinks that too. I can’t cope with the thought that she knows she’s dying. I would do anything to fix her. I’ve lowered the amount of days I work to be with her more, I take her to every appointment. I try to cook for her and make sure she’s eating, though she struggles to eat much. But nothing feels like it’s enough. I’m only 25 and I can’t imagine my mum not being there for the big milestones in my life like getting married or having kids.
I have 4 older brothers but it feels like they do nothing in comparison to help. We aren’t a family that communicates well, arguments are more common than not. I brought it up to my mum today that I feel like my brothers don’t help and now I can’t help feeling guilty incase I made her feel bad. I feel immense guilt. For not being able to do more. Spend more time with her. Or being able to think of quality things we can do together. I even booked a family holiday for us all because we’ve never been on one and I don’t think she’s even excited for it.
She’s had 4 sessions of chemo now. After her 3rd she had a scan that showed most of the lesions have reduced. After her next two sessions the doctor said depending on the scan we might take a break from chemo. I can see my mum getting weaker. This past 2 weeks especially. But we’re scared if she has the break that the cancer will grow and spread again. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this who can relate so it feels pointless trying to talk to them sometimes
Will the break allow the cancer to regrow?
Anyone have a similar story and had a miracle happen that can restore some hope?
Is there anything I can do to help her fight this?
How do I cope with the guilt?
Is there anyone in my mums position that has a daughter like me that can advise me on anything above?
I’m sorry if this is a lot for some people to read, I don’t want to trigger anyone. I just feel so alone.
