Dad recent terminal diagnoses

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. My husband is in a similar situation - we’ve really only very recently ( yesterday) understood that there’s no further active treatment planned and he may have only weeks or a few months left. It feels a bit unreal. He’s still hoping to recover though so we are having to take things slowly. Your dad sounds as if he’s accepted the situation more, with his DNAR and end of life plan. That seems really positive to me. 

As for what you should think about - when my own dad was dying 13 years ago, I wanted to make sure I’d have no regrets, nothing to reproach myself with after he’d gone; that’s my plan with my husband too. Look after yourself, because this is all very hard, keep your family and friends close, be kind to yourself. 

Good luck and warmest wishes. 

So sorry to hear about your dad Debbie. How old is he? Have you got your mum and any siblings? Had he been unwell for some time? My husband had bowel cancer which was only diagnosed when his bowel perforated so was quite a shock!

My Dad is 71 ,We  lost my Mum 6 Years ago, Dad never got over this, and has been suffering depression ever since, we took him for counselling which didn't help, we noticed the past 6 months he was suffering weight loss, not eating, my brother and myself were trying to encourage him to eat more, he refused to see Doctor who had referred him, but Dad had cancelled hospital appointment without telling us,  we had a lifeline installed, facilities to help him, he was very stubborn didn't want any help, long story but eventually had to call Ambulance, turns out he couldn't even swallow water! Since his diagnoses "he" seems happier?? But very hard on us. 

Than you so much, Yes, Dad has all his plans in place, it's hard for us as a family, trying to do the best we can for him X

Hi,

Really sorry to hear what you’re going through at the moment, and also for the loss of your mum. Our dad passed away from small cell oesophagus cancer just over 18 months ago. We didn’t have much support. It was pretty out of the blue and he lasted 5 months from diagnosis. I still have really tough days. I would suggest recording conversations, having his voice will give you a tangible link and some comfort. Spend as much time with him as you can and talk about the usual stuff.

We have a close family too and my brother was only 26 when dad died. It’s been such a hard experience, but you all need to lean on each other now and pull together. Wishing you strength over the next few months x

DebbieE1913 Sorry that you have had this news about your dad.  I was in the same place you are 14 months ago with a 88 year old dad who could only swallow liquid and having lost almost 4 stone in as many months.

Dad was diagnosed T3 N1 in April 2018 and due to dad's frailty and also alzheimers it was decided that he would have a stent but no other treatment as it would do more harm than good.  This may be the same reason that they did not offer it to your dad.  My dad's oncologist was absolutely right to not offer chemo to dad as I think it would have made dad's remaining time miserable.  We were not given a prognosis but we only expected months.  Dad is under the hospice and they phone me once a month for an update.

Well he is still here and on his third stent, still eating well and happy with his life.  He looks well enough to still be here for Christmas and maybe even his 90th birthday next year.  

I am amazed at him as we expected a few months but he doesn't seem to be going anywhere yet.

I managed to get dad to put 3 stone back on by fortifying everything with double cream and buying high calorie deserts for him.

I hope that your dad does well like my dad.