The big C

Hi Jellybean I’m so sorry your post has not had any replies but I just wanted to say hi and we are all here for you. It must have been so hard all that news in such a short space of time. My hubby aged 50 was diagnosed in June 2015 and had chemo surgery chemo but it came back in September 2017 and he passed away exactly 18 months ago today 1st November aged 52. My hubby was diagnosed with a recurrence and within 4 weeks it had taken over. He dies peacefully in hospital with myself cuddled up to him on the bed and our children holding his hands with our close family around us. Don’t be afraid of the end Mick was very peaceful and just gently slipped away. Talk to your mum about all the special happy times and even if she’s not responding she can still hear you. She has done so well carrying on for 3 weeks she obviously a fighter. Love to you all for however long it takes and we will all still be here afterwards. Thinking of you. Love Helen xxxxx

Hi Jellybean. It must have been such a shock to get this news and then for things to progress so quickly. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to process everything and also be there for your mum. My first post on here was also a cathartic experience and it did help . It sounds like after very different journeys with this disease,  your mum and my dad have reached the same point. My dad has been battling now for 7 weeks since he became very poorly and was bed ridden. He now has a hospital bed and carers four times daily, plus district and palliative nurses and doctors and his G.P. I hope you are getting the support you need. It's  so hard watching them suffer, isn't  it? My dad says he wants to go but I think he is worried about leaving my mum. We're all exhausted and I bet you are too. Nothing in the last two and a half years has prepared me for this and it must be harder for you not having had the time to prepare. Tell the nurses every little thing; I mentioned today that dad seems to have more restless and agitated this week and they increased his midazolam and it has helped. If your palliative care team are like dad's, they will be there 24/7 and are a great support.  It feels so lonely at times - even with other family who are helping too. I guess we're  all on our own private journey with our loved one.Please take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you and your mum. 

Sal x

Thank you Helen. My Mum is still fighting on now 8 weeks after going into hospital, she is only 57 and has showed so much strength. Every week when you think she can’t get any worse she does, it’s very hard watching her in pain and almost praying she is at peace soon. We are grateful for the last 8 weeks as been able to have some nice memories in between everything. I’m sorry to hear about your husband. He slipped away with his loved ones around him and I hope that happens with my mum. I hope you and your family are well and the journey after for you all is getting easier. Your husband sounded like a true fighter xx

Hi Sal. I feel for your Dad and send love to you and your family. How is he doing? As horrible as it sounds the only thing you can wish for at this stage besides a miracle is a peaceful passing and no longer in pain. My Mum is still going strong. We have stopped listening to doctors expectations as every time she has battled them and we just want her to be pain free and any day with her is a plus. It’s been 8 weeks and special to have that time with her as hard as it has been. Palliative care have been truly amazing and put her at such ease. Take care xx

Hi Jellybean. Your mum sounds like a real fighter- I'm glad you're having the same positive experience as we did with your mum's palliative team.

Unfortunately, dad died on the 23rd May. He was at home with my mum, myself and brother and sister all with him. He passed away with us all telling him we loved him and holding his hands. We had some notice that he was reaching the end and we were all with him for the last 18 hours of his life (including his 2 son-in-laws and daughter in law until childcare commitments became unavoidable and they had to leave - in tears!) . 

We were our usual talkative selves all day and we had one final single malt on his behalf. As nightime came on and when it went quiet, he peacefully passed away.

 I can't tell you how I felt - relief his suffering was over; immense pride in how he had conducted himself all through his cancer journey; privileged and grateful to have spent those last few weeks, days and hours with him. But most of all, even though it was a long time coming, I was heart-broken.  I wasn't ready for the enormity and finality of it at all. 

In the days since there have been lots of tears, but laughter too and I already remember him in the good times, the bad memories fading. His funeral is next Monday; I am reading the main tribute as no one else feels able. Some positive thoughts to help me through would be much appreciated! 

Wishing you, your mum and family all the very best at this extremely sad yet strangely special time. Any questions about what expect, don't hesitate to ask.

with love, Sal x   

Hi Sal I am so sorry to hear about your dad but he is now at peace and that is something to be thankful for as this type of cancer is hard to watch. It is lovely you were all there, we were with Mick as well and although in the days before I said I didn’t think I could do it when the time came there was nowhere else I would have been. Knowing he left this life with me and the children holding on to him gives me a little relief. Take time to remember him as the loss is so very very great and 19 months down the line some days I don’t feel I’m making any progress at all, and on other days I can see how far I’ve come. Don’t ever stop talking about him or to him keep him alive in your hearts. I am sending positive thoughts as Monday will be a very hard day, but you can get through it and on Tuesday another day will dawn and we have to carry n, I will be thinking about you. Lots of positive love Helen xxx