Tom deteriorated suddenly three weeks ago.
He always said to me if it became too much to put him into a hospital.
I tried to get help from district nurses and drs. But, he lots the ability to walk and would fall and hurt himself in the night. He started being agitated. Speech disappearing. Incontinence. It took three people to lift him. I couldn’t sleep. Eat. He needed medical care 24 hours.
he moved into a hospice on 10 February. Last sentence he said was, “I’m pissed off with you. Ask people why”!
I asked is it because he was in the hospice?
”yes”
it’s almost two weeks later and he can’t speak.
his new tumours are in the left parietal lobe and gyri. We were told in the area of speech. But he is left handed.
one dr suggested there is a chance he can still understand language as he is left handed.
he can squeeze my hand. But I’m not sure he wants me there. Still hates me for given up after year of caring alone at home. I did my best but burned out. I can not bear the thought of him lying there hating me and me unable to apologise if he cannot understand.
Is it possible he knows I’m there but just can’t communicate?
I feel awful
he can no longer eat and only sips water.
on syringe driver and totally unable to move more than his left arm and foot.
He was such a kind loving person. He told me we were one person and he loved me. But now I only have his last sentence in my head.
”I’m pissed off with you, ask other people why!”
pausing I asked, “is it because you are in this hospice?”
”yes”
I can’t have him home it’s too hard and I can’t cope. I can’t live in this house if he dies here
