Proud of myself

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As most people on this group know I'm Colette and I have stage 4 Gallbladder cancer, it has metastasised a few times now to my bowel,, abdomen and in my peritoneal cavity (twice) and also next to my urinary bladder. I have been dealing with this particular cancer for 7 years now (2016) and in between surgeries and chemotherapies (had that twice) I also had Papillary thyroid cancer as well as Mucinous ovarian cancer, anyway I'm not here to chat about that today...

I'm here to say I am actually incredibly proud of myself right now, and that is not something I usually say about myself, but I did a charity abseil off the Anglican cathedral in Liverpool for my cancer hospital, Clatterbridge on Saturday and I raised a decent amount of money (£830) but the reason I am proud is more to do with the fact I am scared of heights and didn't understand how high 150ft actually is, it's really high trust me ha ha... The weather was atrocious, we had thunder, lightning and torrential rain but i waited and finally got my turn to lean backwards and go!

I decided at the beginning of this year I'd had enough of allowing cancer to steal from me, because I fell into a trap of saying no to things, it was becoming my automatic response to everything. I do believe some of that was down to COVID and being scared and vulnerable maybe. My last surgery was in July last year which was tough but I made the conscious choice that 2023 was going to be a year of saying yes to everything and it's actually quite liberating and I realised something last year too... I was imposing limitations on myself and now I refuse to do that.

So if you're having a tough day or week or month, I just wanted to share that even on our darkest days the sun is still shining even if it's hiding behind the clouds, there is always hope that it will make an appearance even for a short while.

Colette xx

Joyousjoyous 9 months ago in reply to Smiffy_69

Thanks Colette be great to chat to you. It’s my first visit here so let me know how best to do that

Smiffy_69 9 months ago in reply to Joyousjoyous

I'll try to send you a private message x

Smiffy_69 9 months ago in reply to Joyousjoyous

I've sent you a friend request on the group x

Summer68 9 months ago

Well done! I am going to tell my husband about your post. He was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer last April (it is stage 4 now). He hasn't had any symptoms from the cancer itself but plenty from the chemotherapy(which didn't touch the tumours). He has been on two phase 1 trials to no avail and finally, this week, has been told there is nothing else to try. He is really struggling at the moment to come to terms with this. It feels like cancer has become everything. Reading your post this morning has really made me feel that there is still life to be enjoyed and to try and help him not let cancer take away all of his joy.

I shall get him to read you blog.

Good luck.

Becky xx

Smiffy_69 9 months ago in reply to Summer68

Aww Becky, I'm sorry to hear about your husband, it's dreadful news, I'm also sorry the chemo and trial didn't work out for him too. The whole living with incurable cancer is just the pits, I know we all have an expiry date it's life, but when you have a diagnosis that you're incurable or there's nothing left to try it's like having a weight on your soul and the inevitability of the situation can destroy that soul. My advice would be to get him to think about the day, or the next hour, let tomorrow figure itself out..

Much love x

Joyousjoyous 9 months ago in reply to Summer68

Hi Becky that’s got to be hard news for all of you. I sometimes wonder if it’s harder to be the person with cancer or the loved one watching on. It’s the news we know will come for all of us, and it’s the dark nagging fear but impossible to know how to cope with a reality.
I’d recommend the blog too, and just the idea of each day as it comes.
All we can do is talk about our dreams and our fears and how we want life to be. Maybe talking to someone would help him with that, and you too.

Lots of love to you both x

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